My Boss Threatened Me

I had just finished calculating the company's quarterly profit margins and was just beginning to estimate the amount of people that would need to be laid off next year to keep the business afloat when I noticed a red flash out of the corner of my eye. It was right next to my telephone and signified that I had a call waiting; I must not have noticed it as I usually get so immersed in my work. I promptly picked up and was informed by my boss's secretary that she had been waiting for me to pick up my phone for 10 minutes to inform me that my boss wanted to see me immediately. I was in a bit of a disheveled state as I never really cared much for my appearance when I go to work and had never been called on to meet my boss before. Hell, I didn't even know his name. I would have cleaned myself up a little, but seeing as I was already running a bit late I decided to just hurry up to his office.

I took the elevator up to my boss's floor and was ushered into his office by his secretary. She closed the door behind me and I found myself in a spacious office with a portly man of about sixty years of age behind an oak desk. Unfortunately for me no name plaque was anywhere in sight. I decided to give him a kiss ass excuse for being late. 

"Excuse me for being late sir, but I was just so busy finish up my work I had no idea you wanted to see me" I said.

"You see that's the problem with first impressions" he said "you only get to make one, so don't feed me that bullshit excuse. Next time I want to see you I expect you to move that sweet ass to my office toot sweet! You got that?!"

"Yes sir" I replied. "I apologize."

"Good" he said. "Now normally I wouldn't bring personal affairs to the work place, but I seem to be in a bit of dilemma. I can't seem to satisfy my wife anymore and you strike me as a gentleman that is quite good in bed." This really caught me off guard. I had no idea how he arrived to this assumption or really much wanted to think how he came up with it. "Don't get me wrong" he said after seeing the expression on my face "you're pretty damn ugly. I mean you're so ugly you could probably kill an erection. I know you've slaughtered my erection plenty of times, but I've seen your massive bulge and can't help but think my wife would like a taste of that action. I've tried every dick pill out on the market and I can't just seem to last long. She goes to sleep completely dissatisfied every night and I could really use your help on this."

"I'm not quite entirely sure how I could help sir" I said. I did understand, completely, but I definitely didn't want to fuck an old lady, let alone my boss's wife.

"Well let me just put it like this" he said. "You know we're going to be doing lay offs soon and I'd hate to lose a fat cocked motherfucker like yourself over such a trivial matter. The way I see it, you know too much already. I could fuckin fire you and then possibly kill you and get away with it I'm so rich. If you fuck my wife I doubt you'll be telling anyone about my problem because then that means you'll have to admit to fuckin an old lady and I doubt you'll want to do that. So you're going to fuck my wife. Got it?" he said.

I couldn't really refuse after such a compelling argument. "Okay." I said. "When do you want me to come over?"

"Sooner than you think" he replied and he had a great big grin on his face. I thought I would just leave it at that and I turned around and made my way for the door when I heard, "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" I turned back around and caught a glimpse of bleached old man asshole. He was leaning over on his knees, but his face was turned around to face me. He already managed to put bright red lipstick on and a bright blond "Goldilocks" type wig. My cock shriveled up inside my body. I was fuckin horrified. "I expect a good half hour faggot" he said.

I hauled ass out of there 4chan and haven't been back since. My boss himself called my house today and told me I better be back on Monday and ready to "Do work" or else my ass was as good as dead. I think I need to leave town 4chan, but I don't know where to go. Is this really my only option? What do I DO!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Wow, I can't believe this wasn't copy-pasta. I suggest that you find a board that actually cares about your worries, like a board where the members actually can keep a job.

BOSS BONIN'

I don't see what the problem is?  The wig?

I work with illegal immigrants first hand. Once you've sat on the stern of a 110 foot Coast Guard patrol boat, bringing them back to their crappy countries, you'll understand what we are dealing with. They are scum. They don't give one damn about education. All they do is come here and take advantage of the system as if it was some first rate babysitting organization. The women are the worst because they are pregnant when we catch them and they bring their pregnant teenage prostitute daughters with them. They hope they can pop out their brood on American soil in hopes of gaining citizenship. Illegal immigrants are scumbags, their kids are scumbags, and I'm proud of the work I do that keeps them out of my country. I have proposed many times that the men and women we catch should be sterilized before we repatriot them. It makes me so angry that they are willing to risk their lives to get here for handouts instead of risking their lives to stand up and try to make their own country better.

>>2
>>5
Is there a spambot the posts random crap everytime somebody says copy-pasta?

>>6
Yeah. It's 15 years old and it knows how to use CTRL + C and CTRL + V

That post was so cocked up that if you tried to use it as an alibi the detective would laugh his nutz off. Seriously, can you retardos think of anything dumber? Are you stoned and drunk as an ass? I would never hear anyone on earth crack up such a story even if he were half-insane and high on crack! If you intend to use that as a defence for rape or something, you have a lower chance of succeeding than Osama Bin Laden has of being lifted into space by NASA! Seriously, stop shitting nonsense and go back to combing /hc/ for pr0n pswords!

>>7
We must control the seas!  And the vees!

what a fat load a shit, you random faggots piss me off with your fucked up posts im goin back to /r9k/...

>>10
　　　　　| ＼
　　　　　|Д｀)　　　Is he gone?
　　　　　|⊂　　　　　
　　　　　|

     　　　　　♪　　☆
　　　♪　　　／ ＼　　　 RANTA TAN
　　　　　　ヽ(´Д｀;)ﾉ 　　RANTA TAN
　　 　 　　　 (　 へ) 　　　RANTA RANTA
　 　 　 　 　　く 　　　　　　TAN

　　　♪　　　　☆
　　　　　♪　／ ＼　　　RANTA RANTA
　　　　　　ヽ（;´Д｀）ﾉ　　RANTA TAN
　　 　 　　　 (へ　 ) 　　　RANTA TANTA
　 　 　 　 　　　　 >　　　　TAN
                                       

/r9k/

Ewwww.... that board has the gay which means you have the gay. It's like a myspace facebook sissy libfag hang out place of baawww. In closing...  please don't ever come back here. Thank you.