23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!”
24 So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
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Anonymous2009-04-21 14:52
My favourite bible story is one I remember from school, from Marks Gospel.
Jesus was walking to some town or other and was hungry. He saw a fig tree so said to the disciples "Get me some figs from that fig tree."
The disciples answered that figs were not in season so what he asked was impossible, so Jesus gets butthurt and shouts
"I CURSE THIS FIG TREE TO NEVER BEAR FIGS AGAIN!"
Later on, they were leaving the town and saw that the tree had died. Moral of the story? If Jesus wants some figs you better get him some fucking figs or else he'll lay the sheeny curse on you.
Of course if I was being objective then jesus could have poisoned the tree so that when they left town a few days later he could have gone "SEE, AWESOMA POWAH!" but of course he didn't exist.
I just loved the randomness and the FUCK YOU quality to how jesus acted in that story. Maybe if he'd have had more days like that he wouldn't have got crucified like a muppet