Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
lol
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Anonymous2009-02-07 19:23
>>1
Kill him..murder him..preferably poison then hide his body somewhere you know people dont go or hardly do..then leave from where you live as fast as you can.
Today, I went to my boyfriend’s work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, “Just this fat chick I know”. FML
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Anonymous2009-02-07 22:14
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML
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Anonymous2009-02-08 0:16
Today, I went to my boyfriend’s work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. AND HE TOLD ME TO GO TO BELL HAIR!
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Anonymous2009-02-08 1:48
Someone that does not believe in God has no morals and is nothing but an incompetent person. It would be my pleasure to kill off every atheist person that lives in this country. FML
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Anonymous2009-02-08 2:34
Rather than admit that they are wrong, and that the evidence is not in favor of evolution, the converts don’t want to admit that they were conned. So they perpetuate the myths that got them hooked, even when they know that the evidence no longer supports those conclusions... Genesis is true, and evolutionists are simply wishful thinkers. FML
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Anonymous2009-02-08 7:24
Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML
This site delivers.
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Anonymous2009-02-11 3:07
Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML
Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML
el oh el!!
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AnOnYmOuS 2U2009-02-11 3:11
It is the ego that tells them they have to be right. It creates an err of arrogance about them, this is known as self-righteousness.
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Anonymous2009-02-11 7:31
Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML