Return Styles: Pseud0ch, Terminal, Valhalla, NES, Geocities, Blue Moon.

Pages: 1-

Fleshlight

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 5:39

I bought a Fleshlight and i can't use it:
It's not the Fleshlight's fault, really. Just the fact that trying to use the one I ordered for my 34th birthday has rammed home the basic fact that I am a loser and that I am never going to get laid in my life.

I am apparently both too small and too big to use the Fleshlight. Small in the PENIS and big in the grossly overweight stomach. The result is that I apparently can't get very deep into the thing and experience the ribbing and other textures.

I ordered four inserts at once, three supertights with the three sorts of textures -- wave, ribbed, bumped -- and one ultratight. With all of them I have been having an incredible struggle to find a comfortable position to get in with my enormous stomach to allow for using the thing long enough to get off. I apparently developed a way to masturbate by hand that deluded myself into thinking I was normal. I am obviously not. I can only seem to go about an inch and a half into this Fleshlight before my fat gets in the way and the smallness of my PENIS defeat the purpose. The incredible depression of the experience makes it hard for me to stay erect as the whole time I am thinking about what a deformed, out-of-shape loser I am, so I end up only half hard or less.

Today is my 34th birthday. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, due to being a shy fatass with an ugly skin condition that I was afraid of having anyone see by taking my clothes off. I am so incredibly fucking lonely and depressed. I just want to be able to hug a woman, to hold her in my arms. Sex is frankly secondary to me, which is lucky given that I haven't had any except with my own hand.

I bought this thing thinking I would treat myself and make myself happier, but it has just driven home how fucked I am. I guess my only hope at this point is to find a woman who doesn't mind me only using oral sex on her because my PENIS obviously doesn't work very well.

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 7:11

^____________________________________^

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 7:49

BOOMSHAKALA!

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 8:43

Lose some fucking weight. It's not hard, just exercise more and don't eat junk food.

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 14:46

seeing as how you got the monai to buy all that fleshlight crap, couldn't you just buy a hooker instead? ....

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-11 18:41

>>5
SPAM

DRINK COCA COLA FOR THAT REFRESHING BROWNNESS

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-12 12:01

>>4
You do you know? You were never fat.

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-12 14:52

does the rubber have a light bulb in it?

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-13 0:29

>>6
Stop that! You're not doing it right at all.

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-13 0:29

>>6
Stop that! You're not doing it right at all.

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-13 4:53

>>9
>>10
SPAM

DRINK COCA COLA FOR THAT REFRESHING BROWNNESS

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-13 7:59

bump

Name: Anonymous 2009-01-13 8:24

2006-04-04 21:08 (sage)
I want a doll too desu.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2006-04-04 23:01
Sorry I only like fucking doll joints

4 Name: Anonymous : 2006-04-05 11:22
are you sure you're not fucking a rug there sport?

5 Name: Anonymous : 2006-04-05 15:11
hahaha.. how does she manage to not show any signs of life?

6 Name: Anonymous : 2006-04-05 18:35
>>5

I'm pretty sure by girlfriend he means a corpse he dug up somewhere. You know...pretty normal behavior for a 4chonner.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-13 08:01
bump

Don't change these.
Name: Email:
Entire Thread Thread List