Name: Anonymous 2008-10-02 18:58
I was diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder about six months ago. Before that I had seeked help because of depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation and anger mangement issues that I have now got under control with proper medication (Lamictal and Ketipinor, Tenox for sleeping problems).
I have only told my family about this. Apparently I'm the only one from my whole familytree that has a mental disorder, wich is rare because this is supposed to be mainly a genetic illness with few exceptions.
My life sucks because of this. Everyday i think about my condition, mood and life. Everyday I am checking for signs of mania or depression and try to adjust to them. Depression seems to eat me from the inside, little voice naggging me about everything, kicking me in the head and putting me go trough all the shit I have had in my life over and over again. And when mania really kicks in I have no choice but drug myself up so that I can work normally, turn myself into a zombie so that I can atleast have somekind of control over my behaviour, animalistic urges and plain stupid ideas. Mania is a animal you can't afford to let loose, I have hurt people both mentally and physically because I haven't snapped out of it in time. The whole moment between two completely different states of mind is overwhelming.
The worst thing is that I feel so alone, trying to control myself everyday. Is any one else struggling with their mental health? Tell your story or someone elses, I don't care. I just want to know that I'm not the only one.
I have only told my family about this. Apparently I'm the only one from my whole familytree that has a mental disorder, wich is rare because this is supposed to be mainly a genetic illness with few exceptions.
My life sucks because of this. Everyday i think about my condition, mood and life. Everyday I am checking for signs of mania or depression and try to adjust to them. Depression seems to eat me from the inside, little voice naggging me about everything, kicking me in the head and putting me go trough all the shit I have had in my life over and over again. And when mania really kicks in I have no choice but drug myself up so that I can work normally, turn myself into a zombie so that I can atleast have somekind of control over my behaviour, animalistic urges and plain stupid ideas. Mania is a animal you can't afford to let loose, I have hurt people both mentally and physically because I haven't snapped out of it in time. The whole moment between two completely different states of mind is overwhelming.
The worst thing is that I feel so alone, trying to control myself everyday. Is any one else struggling with their mental health? Tell your story or someone elses, I don't care. I just want to know that I'm not the only one.