How to get a job

In America, we don't value competence, personal merit, or honesty. I mean, just look at the people holding the highest offices around here.

we value incestuous circle-jerk inside-connections, sycophancy, "personality" and "confidence" (read: physical appearance and arrogance) and getting twice as much done with a half-assed approach.

Therefore, when looking for a job, it's quantity over quality. If you have to write a cover letter, make sure it is the same generic copypasta over and over again (as if anyone's going to read it). Don't bother to read the description to see if you qualify, just apply apply apply. Lie on your resume, everyone else is doing it and you if you don't you won't be able to compete. If you are white, say that you are a light-skinned Native American: it will only help your chances since Indians are nearly extinct and they need to meet the equal opportunity requirements. Nobody will ever ask to see your diploma. The words coming out of your mouth count for nothing, your "vibe" counts for everything.

Do not hesitate. Show no mercy. Do what must be done.

Why do you always do topics like this?  We want cactus stories.

Even cactii know that "apply and lie" is the only way to get a job anymore.