Name: Anonymous 2008-05-22 22:44
Anon's Theories on Women
This is a treatise on women.
Any references to specific people are intentional and I hope you all die.
If you are a feminist then I recommend you take notes.
1. A girl will only be nice to you when she wants something.
Note: This is not always a bad thing, just usually.
2. A girl will be a bitch to you if she expects something (See rule # 6).
3. If you are at a club with friends and there is a girl, she will want you to dance with her no matter how much you protest because you have no idea how to dance and you will feel like a complete fool. It’s like they can sense your discomfort.
Note: This means nothing. You are still going home alone.
4. If you do not wear striped polo shirts and a baseball cap, you will be single until you die.
5. If you do not own a BMW, girls do not want to talk to you.
6. It is your job as a man to make a living, stay in shape, be thoughtful, remember holidays-anniversaries-birthdays, pay for meals, pay for movies, pay for drinks, pay bills, take out the trash, leave the seat down, bathe, keep the living area clean, listen to her whine about everything, give her compliments, call her a lot, don’t call her too much, move her furniture, like her cat, take her shopping and generally read her mind so that you can keep her happy without her ever having to prompt you at anytime (See rule # 2).
7. If there is an 80’s themed anything, girls will be there.
8. FALLACY: If she sleeps with everyone then she is a slut. If she sleeps with everyone but you then she is a bitch.
Note: They are all bitches.
9. There are exceptions to these rules, but all of them have boyfriends.
10. How stupid a girl is directly correlates to how hot she thinks she is.
11. Hot girls do not jog.
12. Hot girls do not work where you work. In fact, I don’t even think hot girls have jobs. They just sit around all day being hot. Except for that one coffee shop in Washington State where they wear bikinis. I still think that cake is a lie…
13. If you do not have copious amounts of cocaine, then hot girls in clubs will not sleep with you.
14. All hot girls are gold-digging size-queens.
Note: This is the sad truth, brother.
15. If you do not need or want a girl, then they will throw themselves at you.
16. If you want a girl, then the best you can expect is to be in the friend zone while she is fucking a guy with a big dick who makes more money than you.
17. If you get lots of girls to sleep with you, then this list is not for you.
Note: Go die.
18. If you say that you do not want a girl, you really want a girl.
19. A girl is not your friend. You are either her boyfriend or you are an emotional tampon.
Note: There is no grey area. My money is on you being the latter.
20. Girls do not care about anything you are interested in.
21. Girls are immediately offended if you do not care about what they are interested in.
22. Her pets will not like you.
23. Hot girls do porn because guys who do porn have big dicks and lots of money.
24. You will not meet girls at a bar, club or party. If you do, then you should carry an excessive amount of cocaine or expect to go home alone.
25. You will not be able to take advantage of a drunken girl.
26. If you are buying her drinks, then she has manipulated you and you are still going home alone.
27. Do not show any signs of human emotion, whatsoever. Girls can smell fear.
28. My ex girlfriend is a complete and total bitch. This is true.
Note: I hate her.
If you feel that there is a rule missing from this list then I guess that you will make copypasta of my intellectual property and call it your own. You can suck on a hot bullet.
-Anonymous
This is a treatise on women.
Any references to specific people are intentional and I hope you all die.
If you are a feminist then I recommend you take notes.
1. A girl will only be nice to you when she wants something.
Note: This is not always a bad thing, just usually.
2. A girl will be a bitch to you if she expects something (See rule # 6).
3. If you are at a club with friends and there is a girl, she will want you to dance with her no matter how much you protest because you have no idea how to dance and you will feel like a complete fool. It’s like they can sense your discomfort.
Note: This means nothing. You are still going home alone.
4. If you do not wear striped polo shirts and a baseball cap, you will be single until you die.
5. If you do not own a BMW, girls do not want to talk to you.
6. It is your job as a man to make a living, stay in shape, be thoughtful, remember holidays-anniversaries-birthdays, pay for meals, pay for movies, pay for drinks, pay bills, take out the trash, leave the seat down, bathe, keep the living area clean, listen to her whine about everything, give her compliments, call her a lot, don’t call her too much, move her furniture, like her cat, take her shopping and generally read her mind so that you can keep her happy without her ever having to prompt you at anytime (See rule # 2).
7. If there is an 80’s themed anything, girls will be there.
8. FALLACY: If she sleeps with everyone then she is a slut. If she sleeps with everyone but you then she is a bitch.
Note: They are all bitches.
9. There are exceptions to these rules, but all of them have boyfriends.
10. How stupid a girl is directly correlates to how hot she thinks she is.
11. Hot girls do not jog.
12. Hot girls do not work where you work. In fact, I don’t even think hot girls have jobs. They just sit around all day being hot. Except for that one coffee shop in Washington State where they wear bikinis. I still think that cake is a lie…
13. If you do not have copious amounts of cocaine, then hot girls in clubs will not sleep with you.
14. All hot girls are gold-digging size-queens.
Note: This is the sad truth, brother.
15. If you do not need or want a girl, then they will throw themselves at you.
16. If you want a girl, then the best you can expect is to be in the friend zone while she is fucking a guy with a big dick who makes more money than you.
17. If you get lots of girls to sleep with you, then this list is not for you.
Note: Go die.
18. If you say that you do not want a girl, you really want a girl.
19. A girl is not your friend. You are either her boyfriend or you are an emotional tampon.
Note: There is no grey area. My money is on you being the latter.
20. Girls do not care about anything you are interested in.
21. Girls are immediately offended if you do not care about what they are interested in.
22. Her pets will not like you.
23. Hot girls do porn because guys who do porn have big dicks and lots of money.
24. You will not meet girls at a bar, club or party. If you do, then you should carry an excessive amount of cocaine or expect to go home alone.
25. You will not be able to take advantage of a drunken girl.
26. If you are buying her drinks, then she has manipulated you and you are still going home alone.
27. Do not show any signs of human emotion, whatsoever. Girls can smell fear.
28. My ex girlfriend is a complete and total bitch. This is true.
Note: I hate her.
If you feel that there is a rule missing from this list then I guess that you will make copypasta of my intellectual property and call it your own. You can suck on a hot bullet.
-Anonymous