>>301
No girl ever shows any interest in me no matter how hard I smile, and any approach only ends in awkward rejection. Sometimes it pains me so much that it makes me go berserk.
I don't always know how to handle the insane level of agression that often rises up in me, after it's gone it scares me to realize that I felt such things. Sometimes I just feel such violent fantasies, like beating the hell out of random people just because they stand around me. Then I'm full of sorrow when I realize that I could ever feel such morbid things. Sometimes in my bed my heart is racing so fast out of rage and sexual desire that I can barely breathe. I dream of being built like Hulk Hogan just so that every guy and girl in my vicinity would be scared just because of my presence. I switch so fast from brave feelings to desperate, creepy feelings that it makes me dizzy.
At times I have to go to the woods nearby, isolate myself deep within the forest, and scream as hard as I can for minutes, and then I violently throw rocks at the trees. I can't do much noise in my apartment so I have to go in a place where no one can hear me. I had to lie to my physician to get a codeine prescription because the soreness in my body got so high that I didn't want to rise out of bed anymore. Sometimes I take it when it's just too painful.