help me get laid by Jessica Alba

I need you guys to raise up about 2 million dollars for me so I can move to hollywood, woo Jessica Alba, hire a hitman to make her boyfriend disappear and get laid by her. I'll post the video's here. Now, every single 4channer just needs to send me $10. That'll probably be enough.

It's 106 miles to Hollywood, we got a fully charged flashlight, a half-rotten dead rat, 13 dollars and 50 cents, and we're wearing speculums.
Hit it.