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Is there something wrong with me?

Name: Alex 2007-10-15 23:04

I have a problem, and I need help. I will not lie, but this is perhaps the worst website for me to ask for help from, but I know that in general, you guys won't be as judgemental as I would expect from other websites. I just want... help. Don't ask for pictures, I will not give them. I will, however give out first names.

So here's the breakdown. I live in a family of 6. I have 3 siblings. An older brother (Jake, age 19), a younger sister (Kayla, age 15) and a little brother (Micheal, age 10). I myself am 17. I've always considered myself close with my siblings. I've been especially close with Kayla. She and I hang out in someway or another most days of the week. We get home at the same time, have one class together, and shared the same bedroom until about 5 years ago. I've pretty much always treated her like a brother or a close friend. We fight, we wrestle, play sports together in our backyard. It's been pretty normal. But about a week ago, I had a dream about her. I won't go into details, but whatever perverted thought you are thinking, it's probably true. Since then, I've been thinking about her constantly. I've been trying to supress it as much as I can, but to no avail. Every time I see her, every time I hear her name, every time I think of her, I just fall apart. I've been pretty much avoiding her because of it, and she has noticed. She confronted me the other day about why I was avoiding her, but I just avoided the subject entirely, bent to her will, and talked about other stuff. It was perhaps the most agonizing 10 min. of my life, and she knew it, but didn't know why (or I hope not).

So as I see it, I have 3 options:
1)Find someway to make these feelings go away
2)Act upon emotions
3)Keep avoiding her and just break bonds entirely

I want to avoid #3 as much as possible, but if needed, I will do it. I just want advice on any of these three, and how I would go about doing it. Please help. I'll let you guys know how it turns out later.

Name: Alex 2007-10-16 14:51

I just really fucked it all up now...
About twenty minutes ago she was fighting with me over the remote, we were just fooling around as usual, but then at some point her face was close to mine and I couldn't help myself.
I kissed her.
She was very surprised and tried to back away from me, but at that point every feeling I had for her just exploded.
I grabbed her and kissed her, while not paying attention to her resistance. I stuck my tongue in her throat and before finally realising what I was doing and letting go, I stuck my hand down her shirt.
My brothers were in their rooms and my parents weren't home so no one saw me, and she hasn't told anyone yet. I think she's in shock.
She just ran away to her room when I let go and hasn't come out yet.
I don't know what to do... Shit... I'm fucked.

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