I just don't know why

Why i want to die so much? I dont know. I just want to die.
I used to love my family so much but i guess now i just don't have any feelings for them anymore. I don't know why.
Why do i cut? everytime i've been asked with this question i just lost words to answer. I just dont know.
I attempted suicide many times. twice last month without anyone noticing it. i'm actually collecting my pills again. for i know i will need them one day to kill my stupid pain and confusion. i just dropout from my uni. i succeed in making myself totally useless now. i just sleep, eat, watch tv, cry, cut, piss, shit