cancer

I have decided that a gun is the only way to go. Even if I live through it... I would probably be brain damaged enough to not give a damn. It's ironic, I work with cancer patients and take care of them while they are dying. I hold their hands, care for them physically and in times of crisis, and get to know their fears and hopes and regrets. I don't tell them that I secretly wish I was them and envy them... how wonderful to die and have people actually feel bad about it. Nobody knows how horrible it is to have a disease that is killing you AND have people hate you for it, like its something you deserve because your weak or bad. Okay.... well, AIDS patients do proabably, but even they don't want to die.

I looked into getting guns and discovered they are freaking expensive! And you can't buy ammo the same day you buy a gun (good thinking). I am tired. Really tired. I just don't want to do this anymore.

Je veut te niquer dans le pooper.