Meaningless rant

i don't expect a reply but i think anything to stop that last step off a cliff right now and keep my fingers moving. I'm a pretty broken puppet that women throw to the floor again and again... there is no escape from my pain... no solace to the fire... i look in the mirror and want to scar the pretty face that looks back at me through that mask of perfect submission that causes such pain... i once believed in love and happy endings and now all i can do is look at my blood and cry. Happiness is a delusion I can't afford... it lies and give me hope for a future that doesn't exist. I just can't accept the emptiness that lives where my heart once stood

listen, i know it isnt easy. I had people make fun of me half my life and scared of me the other half. Now, go out, buy a balaclava like i did and make people live in fear of you. I have tried respect. I have tried love. I have tasted rejection. But nothing feels better then have someone cower when you approach them.