unloved

I am 23 and never once dated a girl. I feel kind of jealous seeing some my friends kissing and holding their girlfriends while I look on and dream of having one myself. It hurts a lot. People got real surprised when I tell them I have been single all my life and never even been out on a blind date or anything like that. I once had a crush on someone but she turns out to be so different and nothing as good as she seems to be. She is the most beautiful girl (physically) to me and feeling lonely without love, I thought I could go after her. It turns out she thinks I am ridiculous and later I found out she only go after rich and famous guys.

I feel real bad, because the first girl I ever have feelings for turn out to be like this. Because of this incident, I become addicted to caffeine (though I never drink coffee at all before that). I never have a chance to get into a romantic relationship, I feel like I am just not attractive or something. But then, people are so realistic now. I've seen so many guys who's overweight, sloppy looking, some are actually mean and dating a few girls too and yet their girlfriends resembles Miss Universe..why..? Well, all because they are loaded. Sometimes I wonder even if I found a girl I love, will she also love me for who I am or something else..? My parents do not really love me and so I have to say I am basically unloved all my life, wonder if I will ever find the love of my life (yea..if there is one).