Name: Anonymous 2007-09-03 0:23 ID:CKAeA/ui
I wish i was dead no matter what i do i fail it seems that the only way for me to get any peace is for me to die. Last year i went as far as writeing my notes and leaveing them for my friends but unfortunatly one of my friends father figured out what i was saying and they stopped me. I am an out cast in my family. As a child growing up i was often beaten by my father. And when i was around 6 my parents left me with a child molester and out of fear of more beatings from my father i went along with the guy. I found out that my parents know about what the guy was like when i was a senior in high school when my mother told me about him a few months before she died. No matter what i do i fail my family will not give me any space they just want to run my life which only makes me want to kill myself even more when i do kill myself and its only a matter of time there will be no chance that an EMT or doctor can save me in time. I have tried to get help on a number of times but the shrink s always decide that admitting me to a hospital wasn't in my best intrest but to see a shrink but at the time i didn't have health insurance so no one would see me. I have sice moved to NY and have gotten Medicaid thro the department of Socail Services but phyciatric counceling isn't covered. not like that matter much because if i don't find a job soon i will end up going back to MA and when i do that my first and only stop will be the cemetary at which my mother and grand mother is buried at and to end my missarable existance. It seems to me the only option is death i have been in pain for far too long and i don't know how much more i can take. I need help but by the time i get it it will most likely be too late.