Name: Anonymous 2007-08-30 23:18 ID:7MVv/Sx0
Once again, I am standing on the edge.
I have come to another crossroads in my life, I have made another important self-discovery.
Everything that I have become (or not become) is my own doing. It is my own damn fault. It is nothing to do with the way I look. Thanks to various kind people who use these forums, I have been reassured of that. Despite my constant denial. I apologize to you all.
I don't know where I went wrong... I guess constant disbelief in myself over the years has just progressively gotten me more and more down. Thus I have looked for answers... a meaning to my life... along the way, I have blamed everything but my own uselessness. My looks, other 'superior' people... everything. Now I know that I was wrong.
It is... ME. All ME.
I am essentially agoraphobic now. I have become confined within the walls of my own abode. I can't face work. I am living on £80-per-week sickness pay. I'm slipping behind with my rent & student fees.
I can't face people. I can't face shops, bars... too many people there. I just about make it to the small shop around the corner. I go there at night, when all is quiet. No people.
I'm scared of what people think of me. Whether they think I'm unattractive, I don't care any more. I just fear they think bad of me for other reasons... I don't know why they would, I just... fear them. I fear their thoughts.
I'm afraid. I am weak. I am pathetic. I am no use to mankind... No way out of this one.
I am trapped in an endless cycle of self-torment...
I hate myself. I hate WHAT I am. I hate WHO I am.
I have come to another crossroads in my life, I have made another important self-discovery.
Everything that I have become (or not become) is my own doing. It is my own damn fault. It is nothing to do with the way I look. Thanks to various kind people who use these forums, I have been reassured of that. Despite my constant denial. I apologize to you all.
I don't know where I went wrong... I guess constant disbelief in myself over the years has just progressively gotten me more and more down. Thus I have looked for answers... a meaning to my life... along the way, I have blamed everything but my own uselessness. My looks, other 'superior' people... everything. Now I know that I was wrong.
It is... ME. All ME.
I am essentially agoraphobic now. I have become confined within the walls of my own abode. I can't face work. I am living on £80-per-week sickness pay. I'm slipping behind with my rent & student fees.
I can't face people. I can't face shops, bars... too many people there. I just about make it to the small shop around the corner. I go there at night, when all is quiet. No people.
I'm scared of what people think of me. Whether they think I'm unattractive, I don't care any more. I just fear they think bad of me for other reasons... I don't know why they would, I just... fear them. I fear their thoughts.
I'm afraid. I am weak. I am pathetic. I am no use to mankind... No way out of this one.
I am trapped in an endless cycle of self-torment...
I hate myself. I hate WHAT I am. I hate WHO I am.