Name: Anonymous 2007-08-29 23:37 ID:m2esaXxv
I'm a complete loser. I have no friends other than a few people I've met over the internet playing games. They think I'm fun to play with, but they don't know how I look like. I've known one of them for 4 years now and she still doesn't know how I look like. I think I am ugly, and even uglier in a photo.
In real life, I'm afraid to talk to people, I beat myself down alot. I can't hold eye contact with anyone other than a sales clerk at a store cuz I know the conversation will be short and meaningless. I don't even talk to some of my cousin's anymore, I feel like I can't relate to anyone. Im alone and have no one to talk to about anything...but even if I did, what would I talk about? I can't be fun...there is nothing fun about me...People come up and try to talk to me (no pretty girls tho) and I just can't keep the conversation going for long. I hate myself for that so much every time it happens...It's not until the conversation is over that I think what questions I could have asked him or whatever. My mind is just not made for communicating with people...I just sound so dull and boring, nothing to talk about with me at all. All I do is play video games with people who think I'm someone I'm not. And I can't tell people that's all I do...The only one that knows how depressed and lonely I am is that girl I've known for 4 years, and I'm still afraid to show her how I look like...people who me pictures of them all the time, and when they ask me for a picture I always have to brush it off or w/e somehow. I really don't have any pictures on my computer tho...I don't like taking them...I'm 20 and still dealing with acne, my skin is all jacked up and I have these dark circles under my eyes.
I always feel so self-conscious. I don't think I'll ever get a girl, I'll be lonely the rest of my life...