thoughts..

Well don't worry I've never caused myself any injury and I don't plan on it....but the thing is I find myself contemplating suicide a lot. I just play out the scenario in my head...how, where I would do it..but mostly I think about everybody's reaction to it. When you know someone well enough you can predict their reaction to many situations. Most of the people I don't want them to go through the pain I predict they would have...but there's sometimes where I want some people to feel it. I want them to feel guilty. One scenario I figured leaving a note telling a certain someone it's their fault, so they would be left with the guilt.

But honestly, I really would never play out any of these scenarios. But why do I think about it so much...and so vividly?

I think the main catalyst is my relationship with my girlfriend (of 1 yr this Aug. 25th). If we're going good then I'm happy with life, but if there's something wrong between us then I fall into this depression and I do all these suicide scenarios in my head.

New Zealand

This is because you're self-centered, and mildly depressed. You were probably coddled all the time when you were a baby.

Try changing your the way you think. When you start thinking negitively, try a mantra of "I like myself too much to kill myself" or something. It might help.
I'd reccomend the book "Feeling Good" by.. somebody.