Name: Bokuho 2007-08-06 22:38 ID:HfSDA/b9
I really need to get something off my chest...
Really, I've come to realise that I am the shittest 'fan' ever. Of anything. Everything I say I like, I've come to realise I'm a crappy 'fan' of. Like Ev. I always go around being all superior just because I've known about them a bit longer then other people. And if people dis them, I jump on their back and have a go at them and bash them, just because they don't like Ev. I've come to realise that this is just making Ev look bad. And the same with basically everything else. I'm just a horrible, horrible person when it comes to so-called 'supporting' stuff. I just bash other people and have a go at anyone who doesn't think the same way I do, and I see now that that's not the way to go. I don't want to be known as "that bitchy guy" or whatever. I don't want to be known as "that bastard giving Ev fans a bad reputation" either. I just... I dunno. I'm just a horrible, horrible 'fan' of anything I claim to support. I just bring stuff down, not support it at all.
You know, when I met Ev for the first time, back years ago... I was like, 13 at the time... I was so happy, I couldn't belive it was them. "Jeez, I'm really standing five feet from Evanescence!" I shouted at myself inside my head. When I saw them like, standing there, that was the happiest moment of my entire life so far. I felt like I was in the presense of royalty or something. I looked at Amy and fell in love. I looked at Ben and David and pratically wanted to get down on my knees and worship the ground they were standing on. When I spoke to them, I told them I thought they were the best band in the world, that's all I could say, my mind was going crazy, I just kept telling them they were the best ever... couldn't believe my luck when they signed my copy of Origin... you know what Ben wrote in it? He wrote 'Best band? Thanks dude, but we're not that good!'. I don't think he'd thank me for anything now. I don't think any of them would bother to sign anything for me now if they knew me.
I need to get out of this. I need to being so damn protective over every little thing I like. Heh, I guess I can always blame my having Asperger's Syndrome. I wish I couldn't blame that though. I wish I were normal. I'd rather be a bastard just for the sake of it then be a bastard because that's what's built into me forever and ever. At least that way, I could stop it if I wanted to. But this, this I can't stop, it's always gonna be like this.
Well in the words of Eve Archer from Face/Off, "you're damn well gonna try"...
Right, so here's what I'm gonna do:
- I'm gonna stop this bollocks about having a go at anyone who slags off anything I like. I've got to get into the habit of just ignoring people. If people don't like Ev or Lostprophets or Bon Jovi or Seether or whateverthefuck they don't like, I've just got to deal with it. If people don't like something I do, I've just got to live with it. In my mind I know they're entitled to their own opinion, but something just sets me off. No, no more excuses, I just gotta learn to live with it. I'm probably gonna need your help with this one...
- I've got to get out more. Really, my time is mainly divided between sleeping, being on this 'ere PC/on a console/watching TV, or being in town, and that's it bar the odd rare occasion. I've got to break out of that. Starting with this damn thing. Everytime I get bored, my instinct is to switch this damn PC on. I gotta get rid of this, Well, not get rid of this, but I need to use it a lot less. I gotta find something else to do to distract me. Heh, something that could lead to a job would be good - I've got like, no decent future at all ahead of me, I have no prospects of getting any sort of decent job and I'll probably end up with nothing. Heh, I dunno why I find that funny but I do.
- I really gotta get over myself. I didn't realise it until now but like, I always act as if I'm better then everyone else. I need to stop that, because I'm not. I'm such a stuck-up bastard. I really need to get over myself.
- I gotta stop being so chuffin' paranoid that everyone is against me, that's such a stereo-typical angsty-teen thing to say, "everyone hates me". Maybe they wouldn't if I weren't such a fuckwit bastard all the time.
Heh, maybe I should just be like 'normal' teenage boys and jack off over Britney posters all the time or something. Maybe that's the key to being a decent person, being an annoying slob somehow makes you decent or something. I dunno. I just gotta sort myself out.
Really, I've come to realise that I am the shittest 'fan' ever. Of anything. Everything I say I like, I've come to realise I'm a crappy 'fan' of. Like Ev. I always go around being all superior just because I've known about them a bit longer then other people. And if people dis them, I jump on their back and have a go at them and bash them, just because they don't like Ev. I've come to realise that this is just making Ev look bad. And the same with basically everything else. I'm just a horrible, horrible person when it comes to so-called 'supporting' stuff. I just bash other people and have a go at anyone who doesn't think the same way I do, and I see now that that's not the way to go. I don't want to be known as "that bitchy guy" or whatever. I don't want to be known as "that bastard giving Ev fans a bad reputation" either. I just... I dunno. I'm just a horrible, horrible 'fan' of anything I claim to support. I just bring stuff down, not support it at all.
You know, when I met Ev for the first time, back years ago... I was like, 13 at the time... I was so happy, I couldn't belive it was them. "Jeez, I'm really standing five feet from Evanescence!" I shouted at myself inside my head. When I saw them like, standing there, that was the happiest moment of my entire life so far. I felt like I was in the presense of royalty or something. I looked at Amy and fell in love. I looked at Ben and David and pratically wanted to get down on my knees and worship the ground they were standing on. When I spoke to them, I told them I thought they were the best band in the world, that's all I could say, my mind was going crazy, I just kept telling them they were the best ever... couldn't believe my luck when they signed my copy of Origin... you know what Ben wrote in it? He wrote 'Best band? Thanks dude, but we're not that good!'. I don't think he'd thank me for anything now. I don't think any of them would bother to sign anything for me now if they knew me.
I need to get out of this. I need to being so damn protective over every little thing I like. Heh, I guess I can always blame my having Asperger's Syndrome. I wish I couldn't blame that though. I wish I were normal. I'd rather be a bastard just for the sake of it then be a bastard because that's what's built into me forever and ever. At least that way, I could stop it if I wanted to. But this, this I can't stop, it's always gonna be like this.
Well in the words of Eve Archer from Face/Off, "you're damn well gonna try"...
Right, so here's what I'm gonna do:
- I'm gonna stop this bollocks about having a go at anyone who slags off anything I like. I've got to get into the habit of just ignoring people. If people don't like Ev or Lostprophets or Bon Jovi or Seether or whateverthefuck they don't like, I've just got to deal with it. If people don't like something I do, I've just got to live with it. In my mind I know they're entitled to their own opinion, but something just sets me off. No, no more excuses, I just gotta learn to live with it. I'm probably gonna need your help with this one...
- I've got to get out more. Really, my time is mainly divided between sleeping, being on this 'ere PC/on a console/watching TV, or being in town, and that's it bar the odd rare occasion. I've got to break out of that. Starting with this damn thing. Everytime I get bored, my instinct is to switch this damn PC on. I gotta get rid of this, Well, not get rid of this, but I need to use it a lot less. I gotta find something else to do to distract me. Heh, something that could lead to a job would be good - I've got like, no decent future at all ahead of me, I have no prospects of getting any sort of decent job and I'll probably end up with nothing. Heh, I dunno why I find that funny but I do.
- I really gotta get over myself. I didn't realise it until now but like, I always act as if I'm better then everyone else. I need to stop that, because I'm not. I'm such a stuck-up bastard. I really need to get over myself.
- I gotta stop being so chuffin' paranoid that everyone is against me, that's such a stereo-typical angsty-teen thing to say, "everyone hates me". Maybe they wouldn't if I weren't such a fuckwit bastard all the time.
Heh, maybe I should just be like 'normal' teenage boys and jack off over Britney posters all the time or something. Maybe that's the key to being a decent person, being an annoying slob somehow makes you decent or something. I dunno. I just gotta sort myself out.