My life would make a indian movie

So, yesterday, I went out for a walk and I was kidnapped by four individuals wearing masks! They took me to the woods and they started kicking me. But, do note, I'm talking about little kicks, they were some freaking powerful kicks! Well.... As they were at it I said - ''Dudes, this ain't right.. Because this causes me a certain desorder! I mean, I have to go back to the house by 6:00 PM (it were 5:30 at the time) and this place isn't even on the way there!''. One of them replied: ''But, aren't you Fred, that is in debt of 5000$ from Michael, because of a horse race bet?'. ''No!''. ''Well sorry then, our mistake.'' and they go away, leaving me in the woods... So i get up, and start trying to find a way out, and what happens? I step on a piece of crap! So... While I'm looking for a stick, to clean the shit from the shoe, 3 lumberjacks show up. The 3 lumberjacks come to me and go like ''Get here that we want to rape you.''. Well I think to my self ''This is going well...isn't it?''. Well, they start raping me... Against a pine tree, and I there.. seeing the time go by. Anyways, they finish and go away, I pull my pants up, and go away. But then, I fell on a bear trap, that shit grabs me by the tight, but I keep going on one foot. But then, a bear appeared, and I noticed at the moment that he also came with the objective of raping me. And so he starts raping me. But mind you, while the lumberjacks were rude rural people, the bear was quite soft, and his only problem was being alone! In fact, I think I should warn the bear, in case he reads this, that the lumberjacks didn't use a condom, so you better get tested, because I have my doubts. So I finally get out of the woods and reach my home. There, I find my wife in bed with another individual, that was Mozambican. So I turn to my wife and say: ''Mary, I just lost a leg, get over here and make me a curative''. During this, my son enters the room ''Daddy! I just entered the boyscouts!''. I just lost my head! I mean, my day was going well and all!.. And that gay fag... Signed up in the boyscouts!!!  I mean, a kid getting drugged.. Is a  manly thing! But... BOYSCOUTS!!? What the HELL?!

And this is my story... Now you might be wondering, why this might make an Indian film!
Well in the begging, I had just finished eating curry! And the Mozambican was wearing cowboy boots. And who is always fighting the cowboys? The Indians!!! Had I eaten a russian salad before going out, this would indeed have been a chinese movie, but that isn't the case.

So, what about your stories?

I'd say this scrapes a win.

Bump <.<