I am in love with a man named Dan

So there's this guy named Dan. And he is hot. And he has a gigantic penis for a white guy. I have liked him for almost 4 years now, and I can't get him out of my system. Do you think I should date him, fap to his name, or just kidnap him, sell him on the black market, buy him back, bring him to vegas, and get married to have his three kids and live happily in a box with wheels with his cat George?

HELP!

This sucks

become an hero

ebay sell on ebay then get jealous of the buyer n hunt them down ninja style then sit on dans face