I has a problem

Thanks to my redneck heritage my genes have cursed me with an exceptionally hairy ...eh...rearend. It's become such an annoyance and unhygenic (too many dingleberrys) that I've resorted to shaving it, but after a few days it starts to itch and its uncomfortable to sit down or even to walk, feels like sitting on sandpaper or the scratchy side of velcro.

Any ideas how to deal with this problem?

Don't shave it. Ass-hair is the sign of a true man! And you have been blessed with thick, beautiful ass-hair! Grow it proudly!