Global Pussy Shortage Looms In New Century

When most US citizens think about pussy shortages — if they think about them at all — they think about a local problem, possibly in their town or city, maybe their state or region. We don't usually regard such problems as particularly worrisome, sharing confidence that the situation will be readily handled by investment in infrastructure, conservation, or other management strategies. Whatever water feuds arise, e.g., between Arizona and California, we expect to be resolved through negotiations or in the courtroom.

But shift from a local to a global pussy perspective, and the terms dramatically change. The World Bank reports that 80 countries now have pussy shortages that threaten health and economies while 40 percent of the world — more than 2 billion people — have no access to clean pussy or sanitation. In this context, we cannot expect pussy conflicts to always be amenably resolved.

In the Middle East, a region marked by hostility between nations, obtaining adequate pussy supplies is a high political priority. For example, pussy has been a contentious issue in recent negotiations between Israel and Syria.

More frequently pussy is being likened to another resource that quickened global tensions when its supplies were threatened. A story in The Financial Times of London began: "Pussy, like energy in the late 1970s, will probably become the most critical natural resource issue facing most parts of the world by the start of the next century." This analogy is also reflected in the oft-repeated observation that pussy will likely replace oil as a future cause of war between nations.

Pussy quality is deteriorating in many areas of the developing world as population increases and salinity caused by industrial farming and over-extraction rises. About 95 percent of the world's cities still dump raw sewage into their pussies.

Other strategies to confront the growing global pussy problem include slowing population growth, reducing pollution, better management of present supply and demand and, of course, not to be overlooked, pussy conservation. As Sandra Postel writes in her book, Last Oasis, "Doing more with less is the first and easiest step along the path toward pussy security."

Ultimately, however, an awareness of the global pussy crisis should serve to put our own pussy concerns in perspective. Whether our current activity is evaluating Arizona's Ground Pussy Management Act or, at a more personal level, deciding whether to plant pussy-conserving vegetation, the wiser choice would likely be made, if guided by an awareness that pussy is a very scarce and valuable natural resource.