I got a real good exercise plan that involves just staying your fat ass on the computer all day! All you have to do is shit in your seat and whenever you get hungry, just reach behind and grab a nice sloppy pile of your own feces and stuff them in your mouth. This way your guaranteed to not only not go hungry, but also you'll most likely throw up upon doing so and thus losing weight! And if you don't feel like shitting, just jam your finger down your throat and eat your own vomit. Then you'll throw up again. It's double the win!
Torture! - Its a sure way to lose those unsightly pounds fast!