Name: Edward 2007-03-04 17:18 ID:gEB8niAX
Once more I throw myself on into the jaws of oblivion (read: You people) and ask your opinion on a story I've been writing (if you couldn't tell from the subject). Tell me what you like about it, tell me what I could change. now, without further adieu:
... ... ... Help Me!
Aiden awoke with a start. He was covered in a cold sweat, he knew something had frightened him in his dream, but he couldn't recall what. He stood up and looked out the window. The moons Nike and Morpheus hung high in the starry sky, it had to have been a little past midnight, maybe one or two.
Aiden drearily watched the clouds cross Morpheus' pale green facade. He let out a loud yawn as the clouds swayed and shifted. His eyes drifted over to Nike, and as he awned again he saw something in the sky beneath the moons. Something was flying -falling for the most part- through the sky, blazing a trail of fire through the night. A spear from the heavens. As it neared the ground Aiden heard a voice in his mind call out to him again: Help Me! He ran to the door and as it opened Elwynne slammed it shut from the other side.
"I'm sorry Aiden, I can't lose you," she said, and Aiden heard a chair being shoved in front of the door.
"What? What's that supposed to mean? What's going on!" He demanded. "Did you hear it too? What about you? I can't lose you either!" Aiden screamed as he pounded his fists on the oak of the door until his fingers were cold and his hands were numb. He stopped his futile assault and began pacing, his hands trembling and his chest tight. He knew at one time Elwynne could have slain a wyvern, but she was weak from her sickness. He just didn't know if she could handle that.
Aiden tried to calm down. Maybe there was no reason to worry, maybe that 'cry for help' was just something residual from his dreams. What little calmness he had deluded himself into believing was shattered away as he heard a woman scream from the forest where the meteorite (?) had landed.
"Nothing is ever that simple" Aiden berated himself as he ran to the window. Flocks of birds fled the canopy, but nothing could be seen passed the thick green vale. He changed his focus from the forest to the window pane in front of him. Aiden placed his hands on the glass and rapped on it with his knuckles. Trying not to think about what he was doing he grabbed the comforter from the bed and draped it over his shoulders, taking a deep breath.
Another deep breath. He ran straight towards the glass and dove head first, the blanket tearing on the edges. As Aiden fell he tumbled, but managed to land relatively unharmed. He quickly took stock of his aches and checked for broken bones. His head was ringing from the impact with the glass, and he should have rested. But he didn't have the time for that. Every footfall sent s sting of pain through his legs, but he continued on.
Aiden hear the sound of steel clashing and ran to the edge of a clearing. There he saw his sister, fighting a man with tan skin and crimson hair. Elwynne lunged forward with her spear, flaxen hair undulating with her graceful movements. The red-haired man parried the thrust with his weapon, a rectangular mace-like sword with a thick, wide blade. He counterattacked, Elwynne brought her buckler up and knocked the sword aside, the spear sweeping toward the man's leather greaves. He back flipped away before running forward with a bestial growl and his sword caught fire. He swung his sword from left to right and a tongue of fire whipped toward Elwynne as she brought her shield up. The man charged faster, running through his own flames and swung his sword down at Elwynne. She faltered, but regained her guard as the sword came down again and lunged forward, knocking her opponent to the ground.
[cont.]
... ... ... Help Me!
Aiden awoke with a start. He was covered in a cold sweat, he knew something had frightened him in his dream, but he couldn't recall what. He stood up and looked out the window. The moons Nike and Morpheus hung high in the starry sky, it had to have been a little past midnight, maybe one or two.
Aiden drearily watched the clouds cross Morpheus' pale green facade. He let out a loud yawn as the clouds swayed and shifted. His eyes drifted over to Nike, and as he awned again he saw something in the sky beneath the moons. Something was flying -falling for the most part- through the sky, blazing a trail of fire through the night. A spear from the heavens. As it neared the ground Aiden heard a voice in his mind call out to him again: Help Me! He ran to the door and as it opened Elwynne slammed it shut from the other side.
"I'm sorry Aiden, I can't lose you," she said, and Aiden heard a chair being shoved in front of the door.
"What? What's that supposed to mean? What's going on!" He demanded. "Did you hear it too? What about you? I can't lose you either!" Aiden screamed as he pounded his fists on the oak of the door until his fingers were cold and his hands were numb. He stopped his futile assault and began pacing, his hands trembling and his chest tight. He knew at one time Elwynne could have slain a wyvern, but she was weak from her sickness. He just didn't know if she could handle that.
Aiden tried to calm down. Maybe there was no reason to worry, maybe that 'cry for help' was just something residual from his dreams. What little calmness he had deluded himself into believing was shattered away as he heard a woman scream from the forest where the meteorite (?) had landed.
"Nothing is ever that simple" Aiden berated himself as he ran to the window. Flocks of birds fled the canopy, but nothing could be seen passed the thick green vale. He changed his focus from the forest to the window pane in front of him. Aiden placed his hands on the glass and rapped on it with his knuckles. Trying not to think about what he was doing he grabbed the comforter from the bed and draped it over his shoulders, taking a deep breath.
Another deep breath. He ran straight towards the glass and dove head first, the blanket tearing on the edges. As Aiden fell he tumbled, but managed to land relatively unharmed. He quickly took stock of his aches and checked for broken bones. His head was ringing from the impact with the glass, and he should have rested. But he didn't have the time for that. Every footfall sent s sting of pain through his legs, but he continued on.
Aiden hear the sound of steel clashing and ran to the edge of a clearing. There he saw his sister, fighting a man with tan skin and crimson hair. Elwynne lunged forward with her spear, flaxen hair undulating with her graceful movements. The red-haired man parried the thrust with his weapon, a rectangular mace-like sword with a thick, wide blade. He counterattacked, Elwynne brought her buckler up and knocked the sword aside, the spear sweeping toward the man's leather greaves. He back flipped away before running forward with a bestial growl and his sword caught fire. He swung his sword from left to right and a tongue of fire whipped toward Elwynne as she brought her shield up. The man charged faster, running through his own flames and swung his sword down at Elwynne. She faltered, but regained her guard as the sword came down again and lunged forward, knocking her opponent to the ground.
[cont.]