Hello

Hello I am japan male I need good for please. Excuse bad English I use internet translate.

So yesterday I decided to be a lazy ass and go to Taco Bell instead of cooking something. BIG MISTAKE. Today, I woke up in horror to find that I was in a small pool of liquid feces, the result of eating low quality processed meat. My dog, who was currently sitting on my bed, seemed to love it. He was slowly but surely licking away at my shit-covered sheets, enjoying every bit of it, all the while making a big mess of himself. He then proceeded to hop off my bed and walked back to another room in the house. He left a disgusting trail along the way. I couldn't do anything about it; getting out of bed to pick up my dog would only make an even bigger mess. I had to think of something quick, for I had to go to work in a few hours. I didn't know what to do, so I just stripped all my clothing, left it on my bed, and ran to the bathroom to take a shower. It took quite a while to get the awful stench off my body. When I had finally finished, to my surprise, my dog had come back at least a few more times to feast upon my waste. He was covered in my brown butter from head to paw. No room was left untouched... The entire floor was coated in shit, in addition to many pieces of white furniture. Well, at least they WERE white. I decided to wash away my worries with a drink and went off to work. I'll clean it up later, I said to myself. It'll all work out okay. No one will no about this. Oh, how wrong I was. Apperantly, the scent was so god awful that my neighbors could smell it too, and they called in a sanitation crew who cleaned it all up. By this time, everyone in the neighborhood had heard of this. I was so embarassed. Ah, shit.

2 I not understand what do you say.  Please only it contains me of a good localities that will be capable of help me better understands the English language.  Very it obliged.  Also, this better translator is? 

>>1

go you back, English good not speak here, japan learn me Konichiwa baka yarro, must kill poster bad language. sucks this time big, I like banana, pruin purin, puni puni, Aho ka.

>>4
Stupid

>>1
Hello.

I am wonderring what the Japanese think of the battle of hastings. What do you think of the battle of hastings?

4chanへようこそ。　（　´∀｀）