4chan has corrupted my basic thought patterns

so im sitting here in class in an uncomfortable chair and i realize ive lost all feeling in my ass for the third time today. i think to myself "ow, my ass really hurts" and at the same moment the wheelchair kid in my class rolls by and i think "damn, he must have it pretty bad"

not because hes in a wheelchair. because his ass must be really sore


i am a horrible person

I masturbated during the 9/11 terrorist attacks.  Actually I was already masturbating, and I flipped on the television when I was about halfway done, and I saw the World Trade Center smoking.  I had to decide whether to keep masturbating or stop.  I decided that if I let the terrorists stop me masturbating, that would be letting the terrorists win, so I kept going.  I began ejaculating at the exact moment the first tower started to collapse, and my orgasm lasted the exact duration of the tower's fall.