REJECT CHRISTIANITY TODAY - FREE GIFT!

The world's leading provider of eternal damnation services is having a ANTI-BAPTISM BLOWOUT!  Take advantage of our unbaptism services and reject Jesus Christ TODAY.  You may be eligible for a FREE GIFT!* 

We have streamlined the unbaptism process for maximum convenience to you, our valued customer.  To take advantage of this process, all you must do is RESPOND TO THIS THREAD.**  Do the right thing TODAY and un-save yourself!


































*Free gift offer not valid in any country except Antarctica.
**By responding to this thread, you accept all the terms and conditions stipulated in the Devil's Contract of Hell.  For the full text of this agreement, please contact the IRS or your local taxing authority.

    
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JEWS

Do I get a free gift with purchase, or is it after having succesfully rejected God?

AND it better not be a washing machine. I've gotten several from my part rejections of Jesus.

There is no obligation to buy.  No salesperson will call.

Your free gift will be delivered shortly after your rejection is received by our secretary.  It is not a washing machine.

>>1
I called the IRS and they just laughed at me :(

How are you going to recognize me?
What if I use a proxy or have a person write this message for me? What happens then?

>>7
A. <voice type="valleygirl">Like, um, I'm Satan.  I have like, weird mystical powers of Hell and what not.  Trust me, I'll know.</voice>

B. Even if you use a proxy, or have someone act on your behalf.  (Be sure that they don't mind taking our free tour as well [part of our FREE GIFT], as current system limitations do not allow us to differentiate between those that are 'signing over' on their own behalf or doing so on the behalf of others.  We take the 'safe approach', and sign everyone over.  It's the right thing to do.  If you are a proxy or an agent who has completed this process for a third party, and you youself do not wish to take advantage of our FREE offer, please consult our Opt-Out desk on the 218th basement floor.  Opt-out applications may take six to eight weeks to process.)

Anti-Baptism?  LOL, I know some Anabaptists.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anabaptist

Hi Satan!

I would take you up in your offer, but I think I'm already in your service.  For you see, I've read all the Harry Potter books, and I think that's all it takes.

>>1
Goody! I just happen to live in Antarctica, does this mean I'm eligable? Also what are the possible gifts?

Some of you have asked about our free gifts.  Don't take my word for it.  Read these completely authentic testimonials.

"Ever since I rejected Jesus as my Savior, my net worth just keeps piling and piling up!  There is no end in sight.  And this groovy red-colored ink pen I got is totally awesome.  Thanks, Satan!" - M. Anaheim, CT

"You literally have to get in the ground floor on this offer right away, or you'll be left behind.  And, thanks to this nifty calendar I got, I'll never forget when Halloween rolls around.  You're the best, Satan." - J. Wizneksiwisizikei, NE

"I swear, this knife sharpener I got was really nice.  I could have just killed for one, I wanted one so bad.  I'm so glad I rejected Jesus.  Shouldn't you?" - O. Simpson, CA

"This offer was so good even I had to get in on it.  Man, this refrigerator magnet really helps me keep track of sinners and the stupid things the pope and Mel Gibson say, and what not.  You go, Satan!" - J. Christ, NY

As you can see, everyone is in total agreement that this is a fantastic offer.  Don't be left behind.  Reject Jesus today!