dog humped my leg

I visited my friend the other day, and his dog started humping my leg.  My friend was going to stop him, but I figure what the hell, let him finish.  Big mistake.  I had to walk home with a big cum stain on my pantleg.  Also, I think my leg is going to have puppies.

Καὶ πεμφθεὶς ὁ Τιμησίθεος ἧκεν ἄγων τοὺς ἄρχοντας. Ἐπεὶ δὲ ἀφίκοντο, συνῆλθον οἵ τε τῶν Μοσσυνοίκων ἄρχοντες καὶ οἱ στρατηγοὶ τῶν Ἑλλήνων· καὶ ἔλεξε Ξενοφῶν, ἡρμήνευε δὲ Τιμησίθεος· Ὦ ἄνδρες Μοσσύνοικοι, ἡμεῖς βουλόμεθα διασωθῆναι πρὸς τὴν Ἑλλάδα πεζῇ· πλοῖα γὰρ οὐκ ἔχομεν· κωλύουσι δὲ οὗτοι ἡμᾶς οὓς ἀκούομεν ὑμῖν πολεμίους εἶναι. Εἰ οὖν βούλεσθε, ἔξεστιν ὑμῖν ἡμᾶς λαβεῖν συμμάχους καὶ τιμωρήσασθαι εἴ τί ποτε ὑμᾶς οὗτοι ἠδίκησαν, καὶ τὸ λοιπὸν ὑμῶν ὑπηκόους εἶναι τούτους. Εἰ δὲ ἡμᾶς ἀφήσετε, σκέψασθε πόθεν αὖθις ἂν τοσαύτην δύναμιν λάβοιτε σύμμαχον.