Every time I head out to my tiny balcony to have a smoke (which is quite often as I am only in Virginia as a Consultant and am living in a boring corporate apartment) I hear your sliding glass door open below me.
Now, I think I have heard this for a while but didn't think much of it. After all, I am just now getting used to all of my corporate-apartment-complex sounds and people do, in fact, open their doors occasionally.
So, a few nights ago I notice this door-opening sound (as I am in my usual lounging attire of men's boxers and tank top with ummmmm... no undies) and thoughtfully think, 'Oh no--maybe the guy below me is bothered by my smoking..' so I look down through the deck slots and see you standing below me.....
LOOKING UP MY SHORTS.
After my head snaps up and (i'm pretty sure) my eyes bug out--I cannot believe what I have just seen so I lean over, squinting to try to focus through the narrow spaces, but you have darted (appropriate creepy word) back into your apartment.
WTF?!
My mind races to calculate exactly how many smokes I have had over the last 3 weeks (OMG) and how often I am wearing my lounging shorts with no undies (OMG, OMG)and how many times I have passed you on the sidewalk, smiled and said hello while carrying groceries (OMG, OMG, OMG) and all the while-- for some sick reason-- feeling totally mortified that I have not had a bikini wax in as long as I have been here. I catch myself actually feeling embarassed that YOU, creepy guy, might think that I have less-than-ideal grooming habits.
So thanks to you, Mr. Peeping Tom, I now have to wear underwear when I don't want to AND look like a jackass pinned against my wall with my legs clamped shut every time I want to poison my lungs.
Thanks a lot.
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-17 11:56
A bullet between the deck slats works equally well.
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-17 19:44
In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.
1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they're well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I've never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.
2.) They're useful. In this tech-savvy world, it's great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.
3.) They're more romantic than they're given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.
4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like 'em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like 'em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.
5.) They've got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?
6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it'll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they're more attentive than guys who 'have more options'. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they'll likely have mental lists of all the things they'd love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.
7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I'm not really familiar with this myself, but I've friends who've been intimate with geek guys and it's raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.
8.) They're relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you're not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?
9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won't have to worry much about your geek guy getting his 'groove' on with club hotties because, frankly, he'll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won't have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he'll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I've seen this happen.
Me: 'Eww. Victoria Secret's Models... They're so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!'
Geek Guy: 'ooooooo...'
Me: 'Hey!' *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: 'What?'
Me: 'Never mind...'
10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you'll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he'll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn't want to go someplace with you, you won't have to worry much about what he's up to. You'll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It's ok. He's used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.
11.) His friends aren't jerks. I can't stress this enough. You'll more likely get 'Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!' than 'Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...' They're awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).
12.) They're rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won't care. He does too! They won't get pissy if you don't wear make-up or don't want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won't try their best to make you feel like crap.
13.) They're usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won't have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he'll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...
14.) You'll almost never have to hear, 'Yaw dawg whazzap!!' plop out of their mouths. Unless it's in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get 'wasted', so you won't have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...
15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that's a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than 'DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!' Believe me.
#6, 7, 8, 11, and 12 hit the hammer right on the head with me, at least. Years of being unable to get a girlfriend causes one to make plans and think of ways to please a potential girlfriend so one can KEEP having said girlfriend. Like a starving etheopian will do cartwheels for food and shelter; geeks, nerds, and general outcasts of your highschool days will bend over backwards for a girl given the chance.
the only thing i disagree with are the generalizations about video game all nighters and the math and technology saavy. more often than not, your average geek just likes to game and is moderatly good at math and computers. not much more. only the hard core geeks bindge on energy drinks while stat farming on evercrack for days on end and are able to build a computer from the ground up in a few hours. also, geeks would far more prefer some poon tang over a shiney computer part.
shit this reminds me, i'm supposed to be trolling craiglist right now
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-17 21:56
>>1
I lolled. If I were you I would start some kind of voyeur relationship with this guy
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-17 22:19
>>3
Your post, while with good intentions, was way too stereotypical. I would never date you, I'd rather shoot you. :F
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-17 22:32
>>3
I hope this is a troll but considering how stupid some women are it might be real. If it is, I weep for you.
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-18 0:50
>>9 >>10
For the most part she's (he's) correct. Geeks are better due to all the reasons listed. True we may not all binge on mt.dew or all play DnD (I used to play an RP enforced mud). Most of us spell decently, articulate well, and have a larger vocabulary than the average male.
Although we may be assholes on the net, in real life, for the most part we're nice guys.
I think the stereotyping was just sploshed in there for more of a comedic effect.
Also, PC magazine > Victoria Secret. Don't lie, it's fucking true.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy