A letter to the editor...
Ok, so it's Friday and I realized with some disdain that I have once again allowed time to slip through my fingers. Yes, I've been busier than a bee, or a grasshopper, or whatever insect it is that works so hard in preparation for winter’s cold breath. I've actually been busy canning food, cooking apples, homeschooling the kids (who don't really get a summer break) exercising the horses and working on my spirituality. In short, I'm busier than those busy ass insects I mentioned a few sentences ago. This time of the year (harvest time) is normally pretty frantic and this year is no exception so while I haven't forgotten about you all I have been unable to devote the time required into this blog. My apologies to all my friends out there, if you all can bear with me for a little while longer then the posts will be coming again with greater frequency.
However several days ago I received an email from a user of the 4chan site regarding pornography. I also received a few trollish comments from them as well, all of them reinforcing exactly what type of people we're talking about. However, with my god-like powers of moderation you all weren't subjected to their bullshit and they quickly retreated without an audience to see their misogynist drivel. Peppered in among the rather laughable insults of 'dyke', 'feminazi' and 'suk my dick' were one or two folks who appeared to be relatively lucid if misguided. At least they were able to type out emails using whole sentences and coming from that group I consider that to be something noteworthy ;)
I want to share one such email with my friends and readers today and, because he asked nicely, I want to take the time to try and address this guy. So here we go, I've put the original context of the email in italics while my responses are in the normal font.
My name's Lee *I've removed his last name* and I'm a 19 year-old male university student studying for a degree in media design from the United Kingdom and my outlook is pro-pornography.
I will assume that, since you attend university, you are able to research rather effectively. How much research have you done on pornography? Are you aware that women are sold into sexual slavery to feed the demand for pornography? You state that you are pro-porn but have you attempted to look into the business of pornography and its relationship to women? Or have you simply decided that you like it and therefore you're in the 'pro' camp?
I understand your negative perspective on pornography and the effects it has on it's consumers in how they view woman. I agree it can have these effects in many men, however, I would like to point out that this isn't the majority of idiots who show the rest of us up and merely the minority.
I guess that all I have to say to this is: How many? As in, how many women are you willing to sacrifice to the 'many' that ARE affected? By your own words you say that 'many' men are or can be affected. Well, 'many' as I have come to know it, means more than a handful, indeed, 'many' means large numbers. Do you expect women to live and be happy among the 'many' men who are affected by pornography? Among the 'many' who have the potential to be affected? Are we expected to revere your orgasm so much that you can admit that at the very least there can be 'many' men who have the potential to act out against women in part because of porn?
Why do you expect this of us? Why do you expect that we revere your method of masturbation so much that we should support, or at the least, ignore the potential of 'many' men to act in such a way that we are affected? Because see my friend, this is where I get frustrated. Orgasm is not dependent upon pornography (and if your orgasm is dependent upon pornography then perhaps you have a deeper problem than you think). In other words, pornography is not necessary for your orgasm but yet you appear to think that women worldwide should respect your desire to orgasm to pornography (because it's not a need, it's a desire) at our expense. Why do you believe this?
Is your orgasm to pornography worth my feeling of safety when I am verbally or physically assaulted by one of the 'many' men who are affected (or who have the potential to be affected) by this particular medium?
From what I hear, a website I frequent (4Chan) has had "/b/lockaded" your forums. They move from website to website, essentially doing it because they consider themselves the under-respected and even hated majority within society.
I find this rather amusing. A group of guys (very likely white, middle class guys) believe themselves to be the under-respected and hated majority. This begs the question, why do any of them deserve any sort of respect? Is it because they deem themselves the 'majority' that they feel they are owed respect? I would also suspect that there are many, many men who would be insulted to be lumped into that particular ‘majority’ category.
They're idiots but they're idiots because they're tired of having to act smart and work hard and decide to be dumb for a while to relax. Sounds wacky, but it makes sense and ironically, many of us prefer pornographic materials which aren't out of proportion or "strange" (we don't all enjoy hearing "oh god it's huge!", it's quite disgusting).
So, in order to 'be dumb' for awhile they assault a pornography free board? They put up photographs and say things like "Irapekids"? This is humorous? This is 'being dumb'? Their idea of a wacky time is to go to boards that include large numbers of rape survivors, survivors of DV, and so forth and traumatize them further with pornographic messages? Is THIS their idea of a day of fun? Seriously? It's a serious question. They believe that laughing at molestation and rape of children is a hilarious day at the park?
Those whom you seek to defend have issues that go beyond normal if they believe that laughing at abuse of children is 'wacky' and 'fun'. Are you aware that I moderate comments here because I have many readers who have experienced first hand what these privileged asshats think is fun and amusing? They believe that harassing, degrading and mocking victims of the sorts of abuses you cannot even begin to imagine is funny?
Because see here's the saddest part of all, I believe you. I believe that you speak truly when you say that these guys are amused by causing pain to women who have had their faces rearranged by the fists of their boyfriends or who have had their bodies ripped apart when they were penetrated by adult men at the age of 6. I believe you when you say that their attack on these communities is done just because they think it's funny to inflict yet further pain upon victims of violence.
And that, my friend, leaves me feeling rather empty inside. I suspect that the response will be something along the lines of a stammered..."Well geesh, you just take things too seriously!" To which I will say, “Clearly you know nothing of the suffering that is caused by rape and molestation.”
I may be wrong, but I would assume these people are angry because they view you as being one or both of the following:
1) Sexually unattainable and unapproachable, because of either your sexuality or personal preferences in a partner. Many men will see you as a threat emotionally
So wait, let me get this straight, because I won't fuck them and wouldn't give them the time of day they see me as an emotional threat? Because a woman won't throw herself on her back she's a fucking THREAT? And you understand this? This seriously makes sense to you? And again with the 'many' thing. 'Many' men will see me as a 'threat' because I won't fuck them?
Let me introduce you to a word my friend...Entitlement.
Any line of thinking which allows a man to believe that because a woman will not fuck him he is justified in feeling threatened is a waste of humanity that I need not bother with. I very much hope that you are not aligning with this mindset. Seriously, I suspect that there may be 'many' men who see this excuse as incredibly repulsive and pretentious and who would be offended at the mere mention of it.
(since a lot of men think woman who dislike men do so to "get back" at us or viewing us as inferior and in return, view such people as being unintelligent or boring people).
This tells me quite a bit more than you probably guess. At no point have I ever stated that I dislike men. Indeed, while I have more than enough reason to do so if I wished I still don't. My friend, there are so many levels of ick to this statement that I don't even know where to begin. Let me just go in a random direction and see where I end up.
1. You are assuming that because I do not like porn that I don't like men? You appear to be assuming that since I am angered by the fact that a bunch of schoolyard bullies (who make just about as much sense) came into a benign forum populated by more than a few survivors of male violence and posted thoughtless comments that were intended to make light of the experience of rape, incest and molestation that I don't like men? You are assuming perhaps that I don't like men because I don't like porn? Are men and porn that inseparable to you? Are YOU so tied to your porn that it becomes impossible to separate a criticism of it from an attack on you? Is it that ingrained in you?
See, this troubles me because quite often radical feminists are told that they 'hate men' due to their anti-pornography stance. The fact that nobody said anything about hating men but rather about hating pornography and believing that the men who use it are masturbating and orgasming to the degradation of females tells you that we hate men as a rule is disturbing to me. Is pornography so much a part of your life, beliefs and sense of self that you would see the criticisms of it as a direct assault on you?
I find this very interesting as well as indicative of a greater mindset.
2. I shall assume for a moment that you are accurate when you say that we 'hate men'. Let's assume that you're right, that I am a man-hater, that I hate, loathe and despise men.
Point A) By your own admission 'many' men are of the mindset that they are angry that I won't fuck them. 'Many' of them are threatened to the point of retaliation by my desire to NOT fuck them. 'Many' of them are so disillusioned by the fact that I am 'sexually unavailable' to them that they believe they have a right to lash out at survivors of sexual abuse for laughs.
Point B) By your own admission 'many' men do, or have the capacity to be influenced by pornography in a negative way. These 'many' men will presumably act out against women in a myriad of ways, all of which are negative and painful to women. 'Many' men have this capacity but women are expected to get over it and thoroughly support something that will ultimately cause us pain by 'many' men.
Point C) For the Number Hounds. Check it out. Also from Advocates for Youth
The National Resource Council estimates the percent of the U.S. population which has been sexually abused to range from a low of 20-24 percent to a high of 54-62 percent of the population; the higher estimate includes sexualized exposure without touching, such as masturbating in front of the child.
And from Preventing Teen Pregnancy we have this:
A 1992 report of a Washington state study of 535 teen mothers revealed that the first pregnancies of 62 percent of the participants were preceded by experiences of molestation, rape, or attempted rape. The mean age of their offenders was 27.4 years ("Sexual Abuse as a Factor in Adolescent Pregnancy and Child Maltreatment," 24(1) Family Planning Perspectives 4, Jan./Feb. 1992).
With teen mothers in the 15-17 age range, 49.2 percent of the fathers were between ages 20 and 29 (Family Planning Perspectives, July/August 1995).
The National Center for Health Statistics reported that based on 1991 data, almost 70 percent of babies born to teenage mothers were fathered by men 20 years of age or older (Advance Report of Final Natality Statistics, 1991. Monthly Vital Statistics Report, vol. 42, no. 3, Supplement 9. National Center for Health Statistics, Sept. 1993).
A 1990 study of births to California teens reported that the younger the adolescent mother, the greater the age gap with her male partner. For example, among mothers aged 11- 12, the average age of the fathers was nearly 10 years older (California Resident Live Births, 1990, by Age of Father, by Age of Mother, California Vital Statistics Section, Department of Heath Services, 1992).
Or how about some trafficking stats, from Criminal Justice Resources
"According to the Congressional Research Service (CRS) and the U.S. State Department, 700,000 to 2 million people, the majority of them women and children, are trafficked each year across international borders. Thirty-five percent are under the age of 18 ... .According to CRS, trafficking in people represents the third-largest source of profits for organized crime after drugs and guns, generating billions of dollars each year." Source: "Human Trafficking Exposed", Population Today v.30 no.1 (Jan 2002): p.1,4
Where do you think they're ending up? Many, many of them are ending up fueling the male orgasm via forced prostitution and pornography. Think they’re not in ‘your’ porn? Do a search for Linda Lovelace and read her story and she is but one of many.
The Department of Justice estimates that 17,000 people are trafficked into the United States each year and forced into labor or sex slavery for little or no pay, dehumanized and abused both mentally and physically. Worldwide, the United Nations estimates that there are between 20-27 million people who are held in slavery, by violence, against their will and for no pay. Source: National MultiCultural Institute (NMCI) Human Trafficking Search Web Portal News Release, February 13, 2006.
Testifying "before the Near Eastern and South Asian affairs subcommittee of the Foreign Relations Committee, Frank Loy, [U.S.] undersecretary of state for global affairs, said that the number of victims involved in sexual and other forms of trafficking began to grow in the early 1990s and now totals about 700,000 yearly across borders and from 1 million to 2 million overall. The combined testimony before the subcommittee suggested that the trafficking of women and children, many of whom are forced into prostitution, is a worldwide human rights problem that may involve 2 million people a year ...
An estimated 1 million children, most of them from Asia, will be victims of trafficking this year. About 500,000 Brazilian children are forced into prostitution each year. An estimated 250,000 women and children from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union are transported per year to other countries, including the U.S. Almost 200,000 females, most under 18, from Nepal work in brothels in India." Source: "Sexual Trafficking on the Rise", Christian Century, v.117 no.13 (19 Apr 2000): p.449-450.
For more links on the topic look here
And how about a look at general rape statistics? PAAR has a great site up with some numbers that may explain a thing or two.
There were an estimated 209,880 rapes, attempted rapes, and sexual assaults to people age 12 and older in 2004, an increase from 198,850 in 2003. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, 2004)
Among female victims of rape and sexual assault, 67% of the crimes were committed by intimates, other relatives, friends or acquaintances. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics)
Across all seven U.S. Armed Forces Reserve Components, the estimated prevalence of any military sexual trauma among males is 27.2% ; among females, 60.0%.The majority of offenders were military personnel(National Center for PTSD, October 2003)
Wow, not looking good for our soldiers eh?
Acquaintance rape is more common than left-handedness, heart attacks or alcoholism. ( I Never Called it Rape by Robin Warshaw)
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) affects an estimated 1/3 of all rape victims, often for an extended period of time. One-third who are raped contemplate suicide and 17% attempt suicide. (National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, 2004)
Here's a few more numbers from the U.S. Department of Justice.
In 1992 an estimated 21,655 felony defendants nationwide were
convicted of rape; 8 in 10 had pleaded guilty.
Yet rape reports were over 200,000. So, 200,000 people being raped while only 21,655 are found guilty and of that number 8 of 10 pled guilty.
Combine that with this:
Over two-thirds of convicted rape defendants received a prison
sentence.
Out of the measly two thirds who did any time at all we get this stat:
For rape defendants sentenced to prison, the average term
imposed was just under 14 years. About 2% of convicted rapists
received life sentences.
On a given day about 234,000 offenders convicted of rape or
sexual assault are under the care, custody, or control of
corrections agencies. About 60% of these sex offenders are
under conditional supervision in the community.
How’s that for 'many'?
Here's more numbers for you from Sexual Assault Statistics
The United States has the highest rape rate among countries which report such statistics.
Only 16% of rapes and sexual assaults are reported to the police (Rape in America: A Report to the Nation. 1992). In 1995 there were 97,460 rapes reported to law enforcement officials. At a 16% reporting rate, this means that there were actually closer to 649,733 rapes in the United States.(Computerized Criminal History, Feb. 1998)
The rate of false reports of rape is approximately 2 - 3% which is no different than that for other crimes
In 1997, 68.3% were perpetrated by someone who knew the victim. (Bureau of Justice's National Crime Victimization Survey, 1997) 78% of women raped or physically assaulted since they turned 18 were assaulted by a current or former husband, live-in partner or date. 17% were victimized by an acquaintance, 9% by a relative other than a husband and only 14% were assaulted by a stranger. (National Violence Against Women Survey, 1998)
The consequences of rape are not always physical though, and are not always immediate. 80% of rape victims will suffer from chronic physical or psychological conditions over time. (Strategies for the Treatment and Prevention of Sexual Assault. 1995)
Rape survivors are also 13 times more likely to attempt suicide than not crime victims and 6 times more likely than victims of other crimes. (Rape in America: A Report to the Nation, 1992)
26% of women with bulimia nervosa were raped at some point in their lives.
The mental health costs of sexual assault victims are very high, studies have shown that 25 - 50% of rape and child sexual abuse victims receive some sort of mental health treatment as a result of the victimization. (Miller, 1996)
Overall, rape has the highest annual victim cost of any crime. The annual victim costs are $127 billion (excluding child sex abuse cases).(Miller, 1996)
Less than half of those arrested for rape are convicted, 54% of all rape prosecutions end in either dismissal or acquittal. (The Response to Rape: Detours on the Road to Equal Justice)
21% of convicted rapists are never sentenced to jail or prison time, and 24% receive time in local jail which means that they spend an average of less than 11 months behind bars. (The Response to Rape: Detours on the Road to Equal Justice)
Guess what group is BY FAR the largest group of people inflicting this upon women?....Don't worry, I'll wait while you guess.....
Yep, that's right, Men.
So, let's recap shall we? I'm taking the assumption that you appear to be making that feminists and particularly me 'hate men'.
Tell me why I shouldn't?
By your own admission 'many' men are prone to fuck with women and I've just given some numbers for your 'many' claim.
1 in 3. That's MY number. That's the numbers of women who are affected by the sexual violence that men wreak upon their bodies. 1 in 3. And if I'm pissed over this number then it's with good reason. And if I hated men I'd also have a pretty good reason to do so.
For the record I don't hate men, I hate behaviors. I hate the behaviors that 'many' men engage in and which leave women with numbers that are more concrete than 'many', those numbers are 1 in 3. Porn instigates the mindsets that men must have to make that number be 1 in 3. Porn feeds it, nurtures it, and helps it along in every way possible until the shattered lives of women mount as a testament to male violence.
Quite frankly my friend your porn is not worth even one life of a woman. Not. One. Follow the links on the sidebar, read the studies.
Now, onto your next point.
2) Many believe they have fought to make pornography acceptable and they fear society will return to hating pornographic material and shunning these people, something they fear immensely. They see you as a possible trigger to a throwback to a "dark age" for them. It's not that they're unable to function without pornography so much as they view it as a way to not need woman or the hassle that comes with a relationship. Being a university student for example, I don't have time for a relationship.
And this is a bad thing in reference to the 'many' that we discussed further up? If pornography feeds these numbers then you dare stand in my face and tell me that everything is A-OK and I should just calm down? The research that has connected porn to male violence is many and varied; the link I provided above (entitled "For The Number Hounds) has many such numbers. More are to be found on Dr. Diana Russell's page as well as on the many anti-pornography pages on my sidebar.
Now, in fairness our friend wrote a few paragraphs of 'filler' which I had originally intended on getting to. However, as my readers know I fucking HATE HTML *grin* and that last link dump was enough to kill any desire I had to do a line-by-line synopsis of the few paragraphs in the middle of the email. However, this was too good to pass up:
I choose to take pleasure in the things I do and I won't let anyone stand in the way.
Get in line my friend you have much in common with the 'many' above. They too wouldn't let anything stand in the way of their pleasure seeking.
In short you appear to be a well spoken young man and that is the only reason that I chose to spotlight your email. You appear to be intelligent and able to string words together to form sentences, perhaps a trip to the library or a little bit of research would do you good.
In the meantime I suggest reevaluating the people you choose to surround yourself with. Rape is never a funny thing and there is much to be said for acquiring empathy to those around you.
And now, I'm exhausted. Time to get out and put that mare under saddle *grin*.
Free Speech and the No Porn Pledge
You know, there are times when I grow tired. Times when it seems that there is little to be done for my sisters who so desperately wish that men would stop hating them.
I awoke this morning at 6:00 am and saw, in my email, a newsletter from a wonderful activist regarding the No Porn Pledge. The No Porn Pledge is a website that I have signed as well as many others, it is a voluntary pledge you sign in which you agree not to use pornography. This is not a website that speaks of legislation or even political rallying, it is simply a website for people who do not wish to use pornography to show their stance by signing a pledge.
It was hacked on Friday by a forum/blog for aficionados of anime, hentai and general pornography. The name of the site responsible is 4chan.org.
Pathetic website, I especially love this contribution.
On my way home from work, I jumped on the L train and took a seat next to a man trying to hog the space next to him by sitting with his legs spread. I don't go for that kind of crap, especially during rush hour. He made room for me, but he kept looking me over and I just knew he was going to say something. Here's how the exchange when down, by far the most heated and close quartered holla back yet:
Him: You have beautiful eyes.
I turn my head slowly and look him in the face.
Him: Your eyes? (he gestures to his own) They're beautiful.
Me: (slowly and forcefully) "I don't care what the fuck you think. I don't need your fucking compliments. So shut the fuck up."
He is absolutely astounded. "Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me like that?"
Me: Who the fuck do you think you are talking to me at ALL?
Him: We're on the subway together--
Me: That doesn't give you the fucking right to talk to me.
Him: You don't have the right to talk to me like that. Maybe next time I'll say something derogatory. How bout that?
Me: Leave me the fuck alone.
Him: You need to watch the way you talk to me.
Me: Then why don't you quit talking to ME?
Him: No wonder New York is so shitty...
Me: Yeah, because it's got you in it.
Him: Oh, me? You're nothing but a white racist.
Me: I'm not racist. I'm not even white. And you're a sexist.
Him: Not white, oh, what are you then, orange?
Me: Now you're going to tell me what race I am? [I should have said, "Oh, we got an ethnographer here!"]
At this point it just turns into a stupid repetition of the first few exchanges. I finally just ignore him and go back to my book. He is still reveling from my decline of his compliment and the demand for privacy and peace... Finally, after a few minutes...
Him: (Shaking head) Well I will say this, you got spunk.
Me: Shhh. (keeps reading) [Should have said: If you ever have a daughter I hope "spunk" is enough to keep her from getting raped.]
Him: Did you hear me?
Nothing else is said, but he keeps making these mock astounded gestures and huffy noises. When I get off I make sure to look him right in the eyes one last time (how sexy am I now, fucker?), holding my head high and slightly squinting my eyes in contempt. I don't know
what washed over his face, surprise? fear? Well I'm not afraid of you, fucker. I'm not anything
you can wrap your tiny brain around, and I'll talk however I want. That's what you get when you try to assert your opinions on any given woman. And I'm not the only one who talks back, not by a long shot.
In retrospect, it really surprised me that he'd immediately jump to racism (I guess he was black,
maybe some Latino too?). Oh, because I responded angerly to his pathetic mack I *must* hate his race. I love that shit--a man alluding to equal rights. If I was a man he wouldn't have said a word to me. If there was true "equality" I would be granted the same silence and respect as a man. I will NEVER take my silence, broken by clumsy implications of my alleged "beauty," as a compliment. Never.
Submitted by Kate.
Name:
Anonymous2006-08-06 14:32
its funny they think we would care if our pics got online for trying to pick up chicks. i'll laugh she tries to talk shit one day and gets raped...
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy