RPG

I wandered down the gloomy cavern, with only my bow, torch and penis at hand. Upon entering, I saw a sign on the door. "I EKIL KCUFTTUB".

I found at bed and decided to rest after the long joruney through Mirkwood. For somereason the cockring I must throw in moordoor seems to be overpowering me. I want to use it, but gandalf said "Do not put on the ring, or I put on my hat and nothing else".

Now I lay next to Sam, Aragorn, Legolas, Giml, Pippin, Merry and the other buddies. What next in my journey?