Name: Anonymous 2006-06-16 3:52
Chapter 2 Verse 8
There came a day when Raptor Jesus walked with his disciples in a city. They passed many people, and Raptor Jesus would state “They are Anonymous, they are the masses. They are many, and yet they are one. They are quick to judge, and their wrath is terrible.” Then Raptor Jesus and his disciples came across a man painting a mural. Raptor Jesus studied the man’s work for a time, and then turned to his disciples.
“Animated,” he said.
And MOOT knew 2chan, and he concieved of 4chan.
He worked long in his labor and soon there came to be users, and free porn, and it was good.
But as his disciples grew in number MOOT found it harder to find time to manage 4chan and still visit his mexican prostitutes, and so he sired WT Snacks on a mexican loli.
And then came to the lands of /b/ one known as Soviet Russia
the masses of /b/ saw that his stupidity matched and exceeded their own and they hailed him their messiah.
Snacks grew jealous of the gynormous size of Soviet Russia’s e-penis and so it was that in the dead of night Soviet Russia was banned
And MOOT returned from Mexico and said unto Snacks, Where is Soviet Russia? The /b/tards are whining.
And Snacks said unto MOOT: I know not. Am I thy forum’s keeper?
And MOOT spake unto him in a voice not unlike the wheeze of an asmatic: Yes
/G/enesis - Chapter 4 verses 1 - 9
And so WT Snacks was cursed to wander the lands of /b/ from which he had banned Soviet Russia.
And Snacks said unto MOOT, My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, thou hast driven me into /b/ that I would moderate it and all the /b/tards will annoy the hell out of me
And MOOT said unto him, Therefor whosoever annoyth Snacks, vengence shall be taken on him sevenfold.
And MOOT set a mark upon Snacks, lest any finding him should annoy him. And Snacks went from the presence of MOOT to dwell in the land of /b/
/G/enesis - Chapter 4 verses 10 - 16
Raptor Jesus appeared before me, and he said:
“Take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life.”
I wept with joy at the gift bestowed, “Yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?”
He answered: “Their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. Whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me.”
For that is the beauty of Raptor Jesus.
Sermon 23 Verse 5
And then a murmur went through the crowd: “But what of those who call themselves Anonymous? Surely the Unnamed ones are an abomination to our Lord?”
And Raptor Jesus spoke:
The name that can be named is not the eternal Name.
The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things.
Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.
Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same sauce. This sauce is called Anonymous.
Anonymous within anonymous. The gateway to all understanding.
And then a young one among them spake: “But surely, Raptor Jesus is a Name unto itself?”
And Raptor Jesus remained silent.
One day, a Magistrate did approach our Lord: “What say you of the cavernous Loli Pit thou art rumored to keep in thy lair? Guarded by thy most terrible disciple, the one known as Pedobear, who sits ready to rend the Flesh and slake his thirst with the Blood of those foolish enough to covet his harem? Surely, your teachings lead only to Madness and Ruin?
And Raptor Jesus spake:
Women are born soft and supple; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life.
The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.
The Magistrate, thus rebuked, returned to his court, weeping bitterly for his wasted life. That same night, he did Fap most furiously to reruns of Full House.
(1) Now a man named Bridget was sick. He was from /b/, the village of Quacky-chan and her sister Waha. (2) This quacky-chan, whose brother now lay sick was the same who poured perfume on the lord and wiped his feet with her hair. (3) So the sisters sent word to Raptor Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” (4) When he heard this, Raptor Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death, No, it is for God’s glory that God’s son may be glorified through it. (5) Raptor Jesus loved Waha and her sister and Bridget, though Bridget arguably the most. (6) Yet when he heard he was sick, he stayed where he was for two more days. (7) Then he said to his diciples, “Let us go back to 4chan.” (8) “But Rabbi,” they said, “A short while ago the Anonymous tried to flame you, and yet you are going back there.”
(17) On his arrival, Raptor Jesus found that Bridget had already been in the tomb for four days. (18) /b/ was less than two miles from the index page of 4chan (19) and many Anonymous had come to Waha and Racky-chan to comfort them in the loss of their brother. (20) When racky-chan heard that Raptor Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him but Waha stayed at home. (21) “Lord,” Cracky-chan said to Raptor Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. (22) But I know God will give you whatever you ask.” (23) Raptor Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” (24) Cracky-chan answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (25) Raptor Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes me will live, even though he dies;”
(32) When Waha reached the place where Raptor Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been herem my brother would not have died.” (33) When Raptor Jesus saw her weeping, and the Anonymous who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (34) “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord.” they replied. (35) Raptor Jesus wept. (36) Then the Anonymous said, “See how he loved him!” (37) But some of the Anonymous said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of a blind man have kept this man from dying? This is /b/, it does not matter what he does, eat shit and die we say.”
(39) “Take away the stone,” he said. “But Lord,” said Blacky-chan, the sister of the dead man. “by this time there is a bad odor for he has been there for four days.” (40) Then Raptor Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” (41) So they took away the stone. Then Raptor Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. (42) I knew that you do, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe.” (43) When he had said this, Raptor Jesus called out in a loud voice, “Bridget, come out!” (44) The dead loli nun came out, his hands and feet and face wrapped with strips of linen, and cloth. Raptor Jesus said to them, “Take off his grave clothes and let him go.” (45) Then Raptor Jesus said, “Now see that Bridget has been saved. He was not Anonymous, and therefor not unforgiving. But hear me, there is redemption even for the Anonymous should he learn to forgive.”
And lo, for Raptor Jesus spake, saying “Thall shalt not draw and or masturbate to pictures of animals or animals with human like qualities. Unless of course, thine percentage of animal like qualities is equal to or lesser than ten percent.”