how does one make friends??

I'm so lonely. How can I invite people to hang out at my house without them thinking I want to rape them? Throwing a party isn't an option because my landlord is a bitch.

Never mind. I thought you were being serious.

I hope you enjoy your life of being a lonely virgin, spending all your time in front of a PC or television and never experiencing anything real or good which life has to offer.

I bet you’ll have a lot of good memories about your youth to go back on when you’re old and frail.