Name: Anonymous 2006-03-20 22:09
I was 19 the first time I kissed a girl. It took another FIVE YEARS for me to lose my virginity. To spare you folks some of the problems with having a girlfriend, I want to talk to you today about communication. Well, communication is the basis for a relationship. Specifically, I want to talk to you about comprimising.
In short: never do it. Ever. You're probably thinking "but comprimising is important in a relationship." Yes, it is, and okay, in some cases it's okay. You want Italian, she wants Chinese. You want to bang her from behind, she wants the missionary position. When you're chosing amongst options, comprimising is okay. But that's not really comprimising, that's just being open to suggestion. To most women, "comprimise" means "pussy-whip."
So here's why you never comprimise with your woman on important issues.
On wakachan, I read about a guy who was giving up the swimsuit board for his woman. You can go read what I said over there. Long story short, he should never have comprimised on the issue. She was okay with his porn, but didn't like the swimsuit pics, and he wanted to make sure he kept getting sex.
You're probably thinking: "Some swimsuit pictures is probably something easy to give up, especially if she's letting him keep the porn and giving him nookie."
Reality: He just admited to her that swimsuits are disgusting and he should never have had it in the first place. Now she thinks he was interested in bad stuff, and thinks he's too insecure or dependant to stick to his guns.
Guys, you need to be assertive with your woman. Women want men who can be themselves. If they know they're with a guy who's just trying to please them, they'll (a) get tired of the charade, and (b) know eventually you'll give up on it. Be yourself from the start and she'll know that you're happy with who you are and don't need her approval. Comprimise on such issues, and she'll know you're desparate for a girlfriend.
Also, women don't see comprimise as "give and take." If you comprimise on something, to them that means they were right in the first place. And if they were right in the first place, that means they shouldn't have to do anything for you in return. All you're obligated to do as a boyfriend is listen to her wishes and opinions. If she's a girlfriend worth having, she ought to be content with knowing you care enough about her feelings to listen to them and understand them.
So what then? If your porn/anime/video games/political views are important to you, keep them. If they create such a rift that you can't just accept each other the way you are, there's no relationship that'll work out. But, if you want to make your woman happy, you can do something. Do keep in mind that, there are guys out there who are more desparate than you are. Read: guys who will give up shit for their woman. So, what you do is, once it's not an issue any more, THEN you get rid of your porn or what ever. Then you tell her you've done it to make her happy. Now you seem thoughtful, caring, AND you gave her what she wanted. Big bonus points.
I made the mistake of giving my girl what she wanted. Get rid of the porn? Okay. Get rid of the games? Okay. Get rid of my friends she didn't like? Okay. Did she ever thank me for it or do something for me in return? Not once. Why should she? I always agreed with her, so she must have been right from the start. By the end, I had nothing more to give her, so she was always just unhappy with me.
Women are wonderful creatures, but YOUR WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT. The trick is to get them to make sure they know you gave it up for THEM. As counter-intuitive as it seems, you don't want to comprimise with her, at least not on important issues. It just makes you weak, and she won't be happy with that. You can't win an arguement with her. If you disagree, she won't like it, but if you agree, she'll be frustrated you had to argue about it in the first place. Once she understands you have your own position on things, she'll start to respect you. Give her a bit here and there (or more, you do love her after all) and that'll make her happy.
In short: never do it. Ever. You're probably thinking "but comprimising is important in a relationship." Yes, it is, and okay, in some cases it's okay. You want Italian, she wants Chinese. You want to bang her from behind, she wants the missionary position. When you're chosing amongst options, comprimising is okay. But that's not really comprimising, that's just being open to suggestion. To most women, "comprimise" means "pussy-whip."
So here's why you never comprimise with your woman on important issues.
On wakachan, I read about a guy who was giving up the swimsuit board for his woman. You can go read what I said over there. Long story short, he should never have comprimised on the issue. She was okay with his porn, but didn't like the swimsuit pics, and he wanted to make sure he kept getting sex.
You're probably thinking: "Some swimsuit pictures is probably something easy to give up, especially if she's letting him keep the porn and giving him nookie."
Reality: He just admited to her that swimsuits are disgusting and he should never have had it in the first place. Now she thinks he was interested in bad stuff, and thinks he's too insecure or dependant to stick to his guns.
Guys, you need to be assertive with your woman. Women want men who can be themselves. If they know they're with a guy who's just trying to please them, they'll (a) get tired of the charade, and (b) know eventually you'll give up on it. Be yourself from the start and she'll know that you're happy with who you are and don't need her approval. Comprimise on such issues, and she'll know you're desparate for a girlfriend.
Also, women don't see comprimise as "give and take." If you comprimise on something, to them that means they were right in the first place. And if they were right in the first place, that means they shouldn't have to do anything for you in return. All you're obligated to do as a boyfriend is listen to her wishes and opinions. If she's a girlfriend worth having, she ought to be content with knowing you care enough about her feelings to listen to them and understand them.
So what then? If your porn/anime/video games/political views are important to you, keep them. If they create such a rift that you can't just accept each other the way you are, there's no relationship that'll work out. But, if you want to make your woman happy, you can do something. Do keep in mind that, there are guys out there who are more desparate than you are. Read: guys who will give up shit for their woman. So, what you do is, once it's not an issue any more, THEN you get rid of your porn or what ever. Then you tell her you've done it to make her happy. Now you seem thoughtful, caring, AND you gave her what she wanted. Big bonus points.
I made the mistake of giving my girl what she wanted. Get rid of the porn? Okay. Get rid of the games? Okay. Get rid of my friends she didn't like? Okay. Did she ever thank me for it or do something for me in return? Not once. Why should she? I always agreed with her, so she must have been right from the start. By the end, I had nothing more to give her, so she was always just unhappy with me.
Women are wonderful creatures, but YOUR WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT. The trick is to get them to make sure they know you gave it up for THEM. As counter-intuitive as it seems, you don't want to comprimise with her, at least not on important issues. It just makes you weak, and she won't be happy with that. You can't win an arguement with her. If you disagree, she won't like it, but if you agree, she'll be frustrated you had to argue about it in the first place. Once she understands you have your own position on things, she'll start to respect you. Give her a bit here and there (or more, you do love her after all) and that'll make her happy.