Cover Letter for Job

I need to know how to write a cover letter. Everything I've written is garbage.. but I need -something- to submit by next week.

4chan, help me out. write me a cover letter for my resume. i am anonymous.

True story:

Interviewer: So can you give an example of when you were creative?
Me: I like your toes.  They're nice and round on the ends.
Interviewer: ...
*Interviewer takes off shoe to reveal a stub with no toes*
Me: ...
Interviewer: ...
Me: So once I got the idea of using lemons and cats to motivate my coworkers...