Stress in English

How many people know what the stress is for all the words? I have been speaking English all my life and I don't know what the stresses are; I might have acquired it without knowing -- people certainly seem to understand me.

To quote David Spade:

"You put the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABble."

>>1
You mean intonation, I believe.

>>3
i dunno lol

I HATE women. I never had a girlfriend and never will. The only times I got laid was when I paid a woman or promised her something. I'm never going to hold hands with a chick, kiss a girl intimately because we're in love, or any of the other shit that human beings were made to do. I guess that I'm suppose to be happy masturbating every fucking night. I'm a man with sexual urges and can't get with a female. I'm suppose to be alright with that? THERE IS A FUCKING CURSE ON MY LIFE. A CURSE THAT PREVENTS ANY FEMALE FROM LIKING ME. Oh I forgot, I do get interest from fat chicks and I'm not attracted to fat chicks.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to become the biggest asshole in the world. I tried the whole being considerate thing and it got me nowhere. If people can't handle my newfound harshness, then bring it on. BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I get happy when I hear about some college slut getting murdered or injured in a hit and run. "oh she was a beautiful and talented girl, how could this happen." I don't know but I'm glad it did.

jerks

.___________________.
|Fuck you nigga-san!|
.------------------v.
-------:\-----/;---------------_.
------;..\___/..;-------------;.;
-----,:-"'..."-:.-------------/.;
_-- /,---....,---.\---------_; /
_:>((..|..).(..|..))<:_ ,-""_,"
----\````` . `````/""""",-""
-----'-.._.v._..-'......)---
-------/.___ . ____,.. .\---
------/./---|.|----|.(-\.\--
-----/./----|.|----|.|--\.\--
------"------"------"----`"--

Stress my anus

I HATE women. I never had a girlfriend and never will. The only times I got laid was when I paid a woman or promised her something. I'm never going to hold hands with a chick, kiss a girl intimately because we're in love, or any of the other shit that human beings were made to do. I guess that I'm suppose to be happy masturbating every fucking night. I'm a man with sexual urges and can't get with a female. I'm suppose to be alright with that? THERE IS A FUCKING CURSE ON MY LIFE. A CURSE THAT PREVENTS ANY FEMALE FROM LIKING ME. Oh I forgot, I do get interest from fat chicks and I'm not attracted to fat chicks.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to become the biggest asshole in the world. I tried the whole being considerate thing and it got me nowhere. If people can't handle my newfound harshness, then bring it on. BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I get happy when I hear about some college slut getting murdered or injured in a hit and run. "oh she was a beautiful and talented girl, how could this happen." I don't know but I'm glad it did.

>>2
HIS NAME IS MIKE MYERS, DUMBFUCK!  GET A FUCKING CLUE ALREADY!!

>>11
Anonymous : 2005-09-20 23:04

>>12
why dont you come over and say this to my facefucker

>>13
Sure. What is your facefucker's number?

>>14
my face fucker

>>15
you're face fucker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACvDoQvaGZU

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy