Minecraft sucks

I got Minecraft (Alpha) yesterday. I played for a few hours. I made a castle, a dungeon, and a house. I realized that's pretty much what the entire game was. It's like Legos, but slower and you can kill stuff. If you're thinking about getting it, the free version is almost exactly the same. The weapons/enemies don't really add anything to the game. Don't waste 9.95 Euros on it.

It's so easy to see what the problem is with Minecraft, that I almost feel embarrassed to have to come out and say it. But what we have here once more, as with Seiklus, or Flow, or Flower, or Braid, or Spelunky, or any of the other so-called "indie" abortions, is the same old story, and if there's no one left reviewing games today who actually knows anything about them, and such blatant failings can pass by everyone else unnoticed, I guess I am just going to have to take a few moments out of my day to sit down, write a few words, and point them out.

Most people who've heard about this game will doubtless have seen at least one or two screenshots of some of those huge, elaborate and colorful structures that Minecraft's most intrepid, let us call them "players", have been building: from giant castles, cities, futuristic landscapes and the like, to detailed recreations of anything from private residences to cars to fucking Imperial cruisers from Star Wars, and so forth. And I mean, seriously, there's no denying the darn things are impressive — at least the first time you see them, and until you've realized what's wrong with them.

And what's wrong with them, to cut this short and get to the fucking point, is that they are DEAD. EMPTY. BARREN. LIFELESS — devoid of ANY complexity apart from the primitive physical properties of a bunch of colorful blocks placed in more or less eye-pleasing patterns, get it? — something which is not at all the case with the original sandbox-type game (Sim City) and its by-now practically countless descendants. For a city in Sim City is FAR MORE THAN A BUNCH OF COLORFUL BLOCKS RESTING ON EACH OTHER. It is, or at least does a pretty darn decent job of simulating, a living, breathing, growing or declining (depending on the player's skill) urban agglomeration with its own rules and constantly evolving properties. The structures in Sim City, in other words, COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER. Its simulated streets are filled with simulations of cars carrying simulations of people driving back and forth from their simulated homes to their simulated workplaces and shopping in the simulated malls. The airports in Sim City ACTUALLY FUNCTION (you can even see the simulated planes flying over your simulated city, and sometimes even crash into it)


The ports and stadiums and railways likewise. Contrast this to a "city" in Minecraft, which has the exact same properties as a "city" built from Lego blocks — I.E. NONE. It just sits there and does nothing. If Sim City is supposed to simulate a city then, Minecraft IS SUPPOSED TO BE SIMULATING LEGO BLOCKS. CAN YOU INTERNET FUCKFACES SEE THE RETROGRESSION NOW? I mean what's next, a "game" that simulates NOTHING? Because, if we pursue the "indie" bums' relentless downward plunge towards minimum complexity, that would be the next logical step.