Bonerific Operating Systems

So, I need an OS to put on my laptop. It's a shitty laptop - we're talking Celeron here.
But I don't want Linux, for reasons too complex to really go into detail here (it would derail the thread, don't bother).
FreeBSD goes into a loop at boot, just turning the laptop on and off repeatedly, and NetBSD seems to be unable to work with my hard drive. What alternative OSes can you guys recommend? The more experimental the better - software compatibility is by no means an issue.

Oh, I forgot to mention - the laptop is 64 bit, but I don't really mind installing a 32 bit OS on it.
Also, whoever the asshat is who's spamming those porn passwords, god damn man, fuck that shit.

I'd suggest using XP, OP. If you know how to, you can make it work properly even on a brick.

What's the model of you laptop? Also, Goggle might possibly be your friend when it comes to compatibility with Linux or Unix-like operating systems.

What have you tried so far?, aside from FreeBSD and NetBSD?

On the linux side of things, you could get by pretty well with Puppy Linux, maybe even a E17 based distro (good speed and graphics at extremely low hardware specs).

If you can get Windows XP running though, that would be the best bet, even if it is quite crappy on Celron. Clean it up a bit and you could get it running at a decent speed.

If you want something "experimental" and non-complex, I would recommend Haiku OS (haiku-os.org). It's an incredibly lightweight operating system heavily inspired and developed by enthusiasts of the BeOS that was discontinued in the late 90's. Just check it out, if nothing else it's a quick look at

I use XP on my (now ancient) Celeron machine with 1gb of ram!™. It came with Vista. First thing I did was wipe it totally and put XP on it.

Is there any particular kind of brick that's more compatible with XP Pro than others?