I'm leaving you!

Dear Husband

I am writing this letter just so you’d know that I’m leaving you.
Your Boss called me yesterday to tell me that you have quitted your job. So that means you ain’t got money coming anymore.
I wanted to tell you that I’ve been a good wife during the last 7 or 8 years, yet you treated me like sh!t.
But the last 2 weeks have been like Hell for me. A week ago, when I came home you didn’t even notice me, you didn’t see that I’ve been to the hairdresser and I had my nails done. Plus I had nice make up on too.
You also didn’t notice the fact that I made you your favourite meal and that I was wearing a lovely sexy outfit which was bought not out of YOUR salary.
You had no reaction to this, you just ate your meal and then you sat in front of the TV, and after that you went straight to bed.
You no longer tell me that you love me, and you barely ever even touch me, not to mention SEX.
This is why I’m leaving you.

PS.
Don’t try to find me, it’s useless. I and your brother went to another country, where we will live a long happy life.
And I strongly recommend you to get a life too.
Your ex, Wife.

Dear Wife,

This has been one lucky day for me. When I finished reading your letter all I could do is to jump with joy.
We’ve been married for 7 years indeed, but during the past months you were not behaving like a good wife. I mean yes, I DO watch TV, so I can calm down after you yell at me. And I DID notice your hair and make up, but I didn’t want to offend you by telling the truth – that you looked more like a man...
I didn’t tell you this because my mother taught me that it’s better to shut up if you can’t say anything nice or sweet. And when you prepared me my “favourite food” I believe you confused me with my brother: I never liked soup.

And after I saw the $49.99 label on your sexy outfit I remembered that I loaned $50 to my brother last week. It all made sense. That’s why I went to bed.
But I was still in love with you and I hoped that we could make things work.

Anyway, after winning $11 million at the lottery, I quit my job and bought 2 tickets to the Bahamas for us. But when I got home you were already gone. I hope you will have a long happy life.

PS:After showing your letter to my lawyer, he said I don’t owe you anything at all, not one cent.
Take care of yourself,
Your beloved happy Husband

I lol'd.

Nice one, anon

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