Why not learn Japanese? Go to Borders or something and get a couple books: one on grammar (preferably one that uses the kana instead of romaji), one on kanji, and a couple on culture. It takes about two hours a day for two weeks to get to the point where it's more or less just memorizing kanji and culturalisms. After the first ~2000 of those, find some real Japanese people to talk to (I now have a couple friends at the KOBE here - one of those grill-right-in-front-of-you-for-25-bucks/sushi bar places). In a couple months, you could be speaking at a high school level, if you really put some effort into it and actually meet some native speakers.
Anyways, I used to use the free online trial thing at
http://www.systransoft.com/index.html I guess you could "buy" *wink**wink* the thing, but I didn't use it frequently enough to bother. It was like, third hit on Google for "online translator", BTW.
In before weeaboo.