Naruto vs WB

I do not own the characters in this fanfic. The creator owns that right.





Deep, deep underground, in a secret base underneath Warner Studios, Bugs Bunny had returned to the brain of Joe Warner. Once he entered Joe’s private quarters, he immediately bowed to his knees.
“Rise.” The brain said.
“Mr. Warner, sir. I have returned.”
“Excellent… did you… bring me… the Sacred… Scroll... Of... Sealing?”
Bugs reached into his robe and pulled out the three Sacred Scroll, then flashed it in front of him.
“EXCELLENT!” Joe said. “You have… served me… well… Bugs. Place the… Scroll… in the… Energy… Converter…”
Bugs walked over to a strange machine that was attached to the large tube where Warner’s brain was housed. He inserted the scroll, and energy began to flow to the tube. The fluid inside began to boil.
“OH YES… YES… I CAN FEEL POWER NOW!!! ALL I NEED IS A BODY! So Bugs… have you found me a body yet?” Warner asked.
“Yes I did. A rather fiery spirit if I do say so myself! Haha!” Bugs said. He pulled a remote out of his trench coat and turned on a monitor. A room appeared on the monitor, with Sakura unconscious on a bed. She began to stir and look around.
“Uh… where am I?” she asked.
She looked around to see that she was in a really nice hotel room. The windows had prison bars on them and the door was sealed shut. She got off the bed and walked over to the door and tried opening it. However, it was a no go.
“What the hell?! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?! SOMEBODY BETTER GET IN HERE AND START TALKING BEFORE I GO BITCH STYLE LEVEL FIVE UP IN HERE!!! SOMEBODY GET IN HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!”
Sakura then ran over and grabbed a chair from a desk and threw it across the room. It hit the closet and shattered. Next she ran over to the tv and pushed it off it’s stand.
“… See? Spirited, just like you wanted! Fiesty too!” Bugs said.
“… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Warner shouted.
Bugs’s mouth dropped. “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! You asked for a body, so I got you one!”
”THAT’S A FEMALE!!! WHAT ARE YOU, JUINOR OR SOMETHING?! WHEN I ASKED FOR A BODY, I WANTED A MALE’S BODY!!”
“But… but… you didn’t say that…” Bugs said.
“SILENCE!!!” Warner shouted. “YOU GO BACK TO THAT DAMN VILLAGE AND GET ME A BODY!! RIGHT NOW!! AND IF YOU COME BACK WITH SOME CRAP LIKE THIS, I’LL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND SELL YOU TO DISNEY!!”
Bugs gasped. “Y-yes sir! I won't fail you again!” He then ran out of the room and took the elevator back to the ground level.
“Stupid fuckin’ brain! One of these days, I swear! I’ll sell you to DISNEY! You wish, you stupid blob of fuck!” Bugs complained. “I’m not going back to that damn Ninja Village! This time, I’m sending Daffy and Porky!”
X X X X X X X
Kiba and Shino sat in the waiting room of the Guidance Counselor’s office in Duel Academy. They both sat reading Duel magazines as they waited for there best friend to finish with his appointment.
“So… do you think these sessions are actually helping Naruto?” Shino asked.
“You’d be surprised, son. I mean, he’s a lot less angry nowadays.” Kiba responded, not once looking up from his magazine.
SHino looked at him. “I don’t know… he looks about the same to me.” He then looked at the door. “I wonder what goes on in there?”
Inside the room, Naruto laid on the patient’s sofa, while Yuuhi Kurenai sat next to him on a stool, holding a clip board and taking notes.
”Now, Naruto… I want you to admit that you are a very angry individual.” Kurenai said.
“Now why the FUCK would I do that?! I’m not angry! I don’t even know why you guys have me doing this shit!” Naruto responded.
“Because all your friends agreed that you are angry and you need help.” Kurenai responded.
“Well, you tell them they’re all full of shit.” Naruto said, turning his back to Fontaine.
“They want you to have your anger in check before you invade Warner Studios.” Kurenai said, trying to reason with him. Naruto turned his back to her. “YOU KNOW WHAT!? SASUKE IS THE ANGRY ONE!! WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T HE HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT?!” He then went back to facing the wall.
“Now, Sasuke… is he the source of your anger?” Kurenai asked.
“Who, Sasuke? Hell no. He’s not even worth my anger… HEY, WAIT! I told you I’m NOT angry!!” Naruto responded.
“Well then, tell me, Naruto… Who makes you angry?” Kurenai asked him.
“YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!!! ASKING ME THE SAME FUCKIN’ QUESTIONS!! YOU’RE LIKE A WASP AT A FUCKIN’ BARBEQUE, BUZZING ALL IN MY EAR, ANNOYING THE FUCK OUT OF ME!! THAT SHIT’S PISSIN’ ME OFF!”
“Ok, now we’re getting somewhere… who else makes you mad?”
Naruto turned halfway around, just enough to see her out the corner of his eye. “I don’t know what the FUCK you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do know what the FUCK I’m talking about.” Kurenai responded. “Now think WHO makes you mad?”
“If I tell you, will you leave me the hell alone?!” Naruto said.
Kurenai nodded.
“Fine.” Naruto turned back around to face her. “Hinata Hyuuga… stupid little bitch… how high is her IQ, like 4?! Why the hell did they even let her in here?! Always following me around, sticking to my damn leg like a horny little dog… or like a velcro midget! It fuckin’ takes the jaws of life to get her scrawny ass off of me!”
“Mm hmm…” Kurenai hummed as she scribbled something on her clipboard.
“Next, there’s that punk bitch, Neji Hyuuga… think’s he’s so hot because he’s a Chuunin, walkin’ around like his shit don’t stink!! Cocky bastard!! I’d like to finish the beatdown I gave his ass in the gym yesterday!!”
“Oh my…” Kurenai said, still writing.
“Then there’s Itachi… my ol’ rival Itachi Uchiha… I can go on all day about that fudge packer! What the FUCK is he still doing here?! I mean didn’t he betray the village like 2 years ago?! Why the fuck is he still walking around the plaza like he’s a damn ninja?! All up in that ANBU uniform! You know what he reminds me of?! One of those newly promoted students who was all popular in an academy, then realize that they aren’t shit in the real world so they have no choice but to go back to the place and fuck with all the newbies!! That’s just sad right there!! SAD!!” Naruto said.
“Well, Naruto, I can see that we’re getting somewhere…” Kurenai said.
“What are you talking about now, Yuuhi?” Naruto asked.
“You definitely have a lot of pent up anger…”
“I'M NOT ANGRY!!”
“… AND a very bad case of just plain being in denial. So what I want you to do it, everytime you feel yourself getting mad…” Kurenai suddenly put her clipboard down and grabbed her ears. “… I want you to grab your ears and say, ‘Wakka Wakka Doo’.”
There was silence in the room as Naruto watched Kurenai.
“Oh, you have GOT to be fuckin’ kidding me.” Naruto said.
“Do I LOOK like I’m fuckin’ kidding you?” Kurenai asked.
“What the hell do you think I am, Fozzie Bear?! I’m not doing that shit!!” Naruto shouted. He then jumped up off the couch and left the room.
“I’ll see you next week, Naruto!” Kurenai said.
“Yeah, I’ll eat shit!” Naruto shouted back from the hall.
“That’s what you’ve been saying the past 2 months.” Kurenai said.

“”Where are you going, Naruto?” Shikamaru asked.
“To get that lazy son of a bitch!” Naruto shouted back. He walked down to where Neji’s houseboat was docked, then ran and jumped up on the rails, then climbed inside. He looked into the window to see Neji sound asleep inside. Naruto suddenly got a great idea! It was enough to have him hold his mouth to keep from laughing. He quickly ran back to where the group was to track down Suzume.
“Hey, Suzume? Mind if I borrow some stuff from your kitchen?” Naruto asked.
“Of course not, honey!” Suzume said.
“Cool! Thanks!” Naruto said as he ran back towards Duel Academy. Everyone looked at one another, confused.
Naruto returned a few minutes later with arms full of ice cream, broccoli, and beans. He went right back to Neji’s houseboat and boarded it. He then put the stuff down so that he could pick the lock to the door. Once it was open, he picked the stuff back up and walked inside.
Neji, who was still sleeping and unaware of the fact that his boat just got broken into, turned over the opposite way. “MMmmm… Mai Valentine… give it to me, baby…” he muttered.
Neji began to stuff his face with ice cream, broccoli, and beans. Then he pulled out a vanilla milkshake and chugged it all down.
“Wait for it… wait for it…” Naruto said to himself. Five minutes later, there was a large rumbling in his stomach. “THERE IT GOES!! THERE’S A RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY!”
He quickly ran over to Neji and pushed his head so his face was pointed straight up. He then got on the bed, turned around, and pulled down his pants and boxers. Next, he squatted down over Neji’s face to where his “cheeks” where an inch from Neji’s nose.
“FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!” Naruto shouted.
It was then that the loudest fart in history was heard throughout Konoha.
“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Shizune shouted.
Everyone was still looking around, shocked.
“Did that come from that boat Naruto was on?!” Suzaku asked.
Shino suddenly got shocked. “OH MY GOD!! YOU DON’T THINK…”
Sasuke, Shikamaru, Lee, Kiba, and Itachi looked at Shino in a disappointing manner.
“Please tell me you didn’t just now figure that out.” Itachi said.
“Now what do you think?” Sasuke said to Shino.
Naruto suddenly came running down the dockside once again at full speed! He was being chased by Neji, who was toting a VERY large, futuristic sword with a laser edge, swingng at Naruto. He was in a tank top and boxers.
”NARUTO, YOU ASS SUCKING SON OF A FUCK!!! YOU’RE IN BIG FUCKIN’ TROUBLE NOW!! AND WHEN I SAY TROUBLE… I’M TALKIN' ABOUT ONE LONG BLADE OF HOT LASER DEATH POINTED AT YOUR FUCKIN’ SKULL!!!!” Neji shouted, not once caring about the fact that he was running down the docks in his underclothing.
Naruto ran towards the group, trying to keep his balance from laughing so hard. “YEAH, MAN!!! I GUESS YOU TRULY ARE GAY-JI HYUUGA!!!”
The group all scattered as Neji ran at them, swinging like a mad man.
“Oh, fuck!” Shikamaru said.
“ON THE SHIP, ON THE SHIP!!” Lee shouted.
The only one who didn’t run was Byakko, who once again took out his gold dagger-like gun.
“YOU WANNA PLAY SOME GAT WARS, BOY?!” he shouted. He began to shoot, but nothing happen. “Aww, DAAYYMMN!! I fa’got, this thang’s only a replica!!”
Naruto dashed past Byakko. Once Neji got close enough, Byakko pistol-whipped him with his duel disk. Neji dropped his sword and fell to the ground unconscious. Byakko picked him up, then threw him on the ship.
“Aight, his punk ass is ready.” Byakko said.
Naruto and the gang had already boarded the ship. It was then that it began to take off into the sea. Byakko watched as the ship disappeared into the dawn.
“Naruto. How did you get Neji out of his boat?” Shino asked.
“Well, I just…”
“WE DON’T WANT TO KNOW!” Lee shouted. “I’m pretty sure we all know how he-”
Suddenly, Naruto farted again!
“OH, GOD!!!” Lee shouted.
“SHIT!!” Itachi shouted, covering his nose.
“GOD DAMN!!! THAT SMELL COULD KNOCK AKAMARU OFF A MEAT WAGON!!” Kiba shouted.
Shino, dizzy from the smell, fell over unconscious. Shikamaru ran to the side of the ship and began to puke.
“DAMN, YOU STINKY LITTLE BITCH!!!” Sasuke said, with his nose and mouth buried in his black jacket.
Naruto laughed and put his hand behind his head. “Sorry, guys… I guess I forgot that this is gonna last for the next 10 hours…”
”Oh, FUCK no!” Lee said.
He and Sasuke grabbed Jaden, and threw him in the engine room. “Stay your stank ass in there till you’re not all gassy anymore!”
The captain of the ship gathered the duelists, sans Naruto, Neji, and Konohamaru.
“Listen up! I don’t want no fuckin’ funny business on my ship, got it! I’m taking you to Disney World and back! Try to remember this ain't no pleasure cruise!! And keep my god damn ship CLEAN!!” he said.
“Shit! OK!” Lee said.
The captain then walked away.
Lee turned to the boys. “What the fuck is his problem?! Does he got a rat up his ass or something?!”
“Whatever. Fuck that faggot.” Itachi said as he walked away.
Hours passed and the ship drifted down the sea. Shino walked around, holding his stomach. Kiba approached him holding a plate of some weird looking seafood.
“What’s wrong, Aburame?” He asked.
“D-don’t… feel… good… seasick…” Shino said.
“Awww, that’s too bad, son! Why don’t you try to eat a little something! I know what’ll perk you right up!”
“…what…”
“SOME STEAMED SQUID SURPRISE!!” Kiba shouted as he put the plate of food in poor Shi’s face. Shi turned green in the face, covered his mouth, then ran to the side of the ship and vomited like crazy. Kiba was laughing like a madman.
On the other side of the ship, Lee was looking at a picture of Sakura inside a locket. “Don’t worry, Saku. We’ll be there soon. And I’ll kick Bugs Bunny’s ass so hard, he’ll be BEGGING me to put an eraser to his damn head!”
Neji walked down the ship with an ice pack on his head, from where he was pistol whipped by Byakko. He was back in his gray suit.
Lee turned around. “You ok, Hyuuga?”
”I got a fuckin’ headache… and I’m pissed off for some odd reason. I don’t even know how I got here!” Neji said.
“That blow to the head must have scrambled your memory. You don’t remember Naruto farting on your face?” Lee asked.
“Please.” Neji said. “That shit for brains loser isn’t smart enough to do something like that! And if hell ever froze over and he did manage to pull that off, they’d need tongs to pick up the pieces of that ass nugget.”
“Fair enough.” Lee said. Neji then continued on his way.
Suddenly, in the clear blue sea, a small port came into view.
“Wonder what that is?” Lee asked himelf.
“HEY BITCHES!! THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING!” The Captain’s voice ran over the loud speakers. “The SHIP needs to gas up, so you’re welcome to buy some snacks at the mini mart. But we’ll be leaving in half an hour, so if you're not on the ship at that time, I’m leaving your bitch asses here! Thank you.”
“Wow… how’d we get stuck with a stupid asshole like THAT for a captain?” Lee said.
Moments later, the ship pulled into the dock. Naruto was released from the engine room, and everyone went inside to buy food from the mini mart inside the port. They paid, and left the store, one after the other. Konohamaru was the only one left in the mini mart. He finally found what he was looking for. He walked over to the check out counter, dropped a half gallon of ice cream, some gummi worms, and 3 bottles of malt liquor on the counter top. He then reached into his pockets and pulled out a hand full of bills. The confused store clerk looked at the items, then looked back at Konohamaru.
Konohamaru looked up at the clerk. “The fuck are you doing? Ring that shit up!”
“Sir… you are aware that I cannot sell booze to a minor…” The clerk said.
“And you are aware that we are over international waters… and yeah… those rules don’t apply… so ring that shit up before I leap over that counter and fuck you up.”
“Ok… Ok…” the clerk said. He rung up Konohamaru’s items, then bagged them. Konohamaru slapped a handful of dollar bills on the counter, grabbed his bag, then left the mini mart.
The clerk shook his head as he watched Konohamaru leave. “Fuckin’ brat.”
Half an hour later, the ship was back out on the seas and headed towards California. The Captain entered his private quarters, where Naruto and everyone else was. It was the only private room on the ship.
“Ok, listen up, you rotten slabs of buffalo shit! This room is always clean enough to eat off the floors, and that’s the way it had better stay! Don’t mess my fuckin' room up! I don’t want no crumbs or any shit like that on these floors!” the Captain said.

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