Name: Anonymous 2007-07-16 11:54 ID:6eQIlPZI
I do not own Camp Lazlo. Joe Murray owns it.
Lumpus licked his lips as Slinkman brought him his meal. "Here you go, Scoutmaster Lumpus." He lifted up the lid of the platter and Miss Mucus's head was on it. "Ah, my favorite. Pig head." He slammed the fork into one of her eyes and ripped out the eyeball and swallowed it. "Yummy." He grinned.
Then he began to eat the rest of her like a wild dog, and when he was finished, he tossed the bones in the garbage. "Slinkman, that was perfect!" He began to pick out the tongue meat stuck n his teeth. "I know, sir." Slinkman pushed another cart into the dining room. "Would you like some Gretchen for dinner, sir?" He placed her head on the plate.
"No, no. I must watch my appetite, Slinkman, you know that." Lumpus grabbed the plate and tossed it out into the forest. "Let the wolves have it." He laughed evilly into the night.
The next morning, all the scouts were lined up to the shed.
"What's going on?" Dave asked. "How should I know?" Edward hissed. "Raj? You're up." Slinkman ordered. Raj walked inside and looked at Lumpus. "Hello, Raj. I've been waiting for you." He smiled. "Excuse me, Scoutmaster, but what is this about?" The elephant asked. "It's about this, my little friend." Lumpus pulled out a pistol and shot him in the head.
Thankfully, the room was soundproof. Lumpus then proceeded to carry the body into the wood chipper. "In we go!" He tossed it in and shreds of Raj fell into a pile of organs and cartilage. "Yummy-yum!" Lumpus gathered it all up and placed it in a jar, then he sent it off in a mail truck. "I sure hope Hannibal likes this." Lumpus giggled.
Lumpus poked his head out of the door. "NEXT!" He roared. Edward stomped in. "All right, Lumpus, what's it all about?" the platypus demanded. "I'm going to eat you tonight, my little yummy friend." Lumpus licked his lips. "What did you say?" Edward asked, fearfully. "I said that I’m going to eat you, Edward." Lumpus grinned evilly. "RUN FOR IT!" Edward stuck his head out the door and screamed at the campers. "LUMPUS WANTS TO EAT US!"
Everyone ran like hell and Edward was yanked down onto the floor and his head was cut off by Lumpus's axe, blood spurting on the floor. "Slinkman, prep him while I catch me some finger-lickin' scouts." Lumpus grabbed his shotgun. He ran out and shot Ping-Pong and Dave, then shot Samson. "HAHAHAHA! THIS WILL BE THE PERFECT FEAST!" Lumpus howled insanely.
"RAJ! WHERE ARE YOU?" Lazlo yelled. "RAJ!" Clam yelped. Lumpus blew off Chip's head and crushed in Skip's skull. "I'm gonna have me a smorgasbord! HAAHAHAHA!" Lumpus howled in laughter.
Lazlo wept as he and Clam wept into a ditch.
"Raj's gone, Clam! HE'S GONE!" Clam hugged him. "Raj.." Clam whimpered. "LAZZIE! CLAMMY!" Lumpus sang out. "Oh, god..." Lazlo sobbed quietly. "Lumpus." Clam growled and ran from the ditch. "CLAM, NO!" Lazlo sobbed.
Lumpus smiled as every last camper was carried into the kitchen. "Hmmm... I should invite Miss Doe and have dinner. Sounds lovely." Lumpus licked his lips. "MURDERER!" Clam roared. Lumpus turned around and giggled."Clammy..." He grabbed Clam and sild his dagger into his throat, causing blood to gush out.
Something in Lazlo's mind snapped. Lazlo glared at Lumpus as he dissected Clam and placed his organs in a zip-top bag. "Lumpus will die! HE WILL FUCKING DIE!" The monkey roared.
Later....
"Oh, Lumpus!" Giggled Jane Doe. She had already eaten some Filet of Samson, some Edward a la king, a bit of Lemming pie and some Dave sausage. "The dinner was delicious! Except for the stew.." "What are you talking about? The stew was you know, a bit greasy mind you, but still good!" Lumpus smiled at her.
"Can I have some more of that chicken-fried steak?" Jane asked. Lumpus grabbed the Ping-Pong steak and gave it to her. "And now, my piece-de-resistance, I give you this!" He pulled a cart in and lifted the lid of the platter, showing Clam, in soup form.
"Oooh, Scoutmaster Lumpus! You have outdone yourself!" Jane began munching down as well as Lumpus on the rest of the food that was made from the dead campers. Lumpus managed to sneak a little of the Raj vindaloo in his mouth.
Lazlo watched in rage as his so-called scoutmaster ate his friends. "You fucking asshole. You lying bastard!" He hissed and snuck inside. Lazlo dropped into the den and stopped past Slinkman's quarters. He saw the slug eat some Patsy cupcakes, some barqbue Nina ribs, some Almondine wings and some Walrus cake.
"You animal!" Lazlo shouted before running up the stairs. "Who said that?" Slinkman opened the door and found no one. Suddenly, Lazlo roared and leapt at him. "AAH!" Slinkman screamed in fear.
Lumpus lifted his head and looked around. "Lumpus, what's wrong?" Jane asked. "Nothing, I'll go check it out." Lumpus got up and walked towards Slinkman's room. "All right, Slinkman, what's going ON?!" Lumpus's heart skipped a beat as he saw his assistant's body scattered across the room. "What the fuck is this?" Lumpus growled.
Lazlo shot into the dining room and glared at Jane. "Hello, Lazlo. What are you doing here?" "I've come to tell you something. Have you noticed how many campers you're missing?" he asked. "Come to think of it, all of my scouts are gone. And Ms. Mucus, too." "I'll tell you what happened to them." Lazlo told her everything what happened. Jane's face began to take a pale color.
Lumpus went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Suddenly, a loud scream was heard from downstairs. He ran downstairs and faced an angry Jane. "Jane, What's wrong-"
“You disgusting monster!” Jane roared, quite literally in his face, which had come close enough that her lips almost brushed against him when she shouted. Lumpus jolted in surprise and shrank back, cringing. “You planned this! I can’t believe you, with your little lies about ‘I want to invite you, to dine with you’ and your greatest feast and all the things you ‘accidentally’ brought up to make all of this! And… and… I don’t believe you!”
"Jane, I don't understand-" Lumpus began.
“SHUT UP! Did you honestly think you’d be able to fool me with this?! Did you think I wouldn’t see the scouts you killed as ingredients for food as part of some big psychotic master plan engineered by you to fulfill your sick desires?”
"Jane, please, It wasn't my fault-" Lumpus was shaking now.
“Oh, sure it wasn’t! Wasn’t your fault at all! You were just the guy who happened to be there when it happened! Just like you just happened to be okay with me clinging to you on that dinner idea! And you just happened to make some food! And you just happened to steal my scouts to use in your yummy feast! IT’S ALL PART OF YOUR EVIL PLAN!”
"Jane-" Lumpus said desperately
“Let me tell you something, Mister—oh, excuse me, Scoutmaster—I’m Jane doe and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you deceive me into anything! I kick ass in the truest sense of the word and I’ll be kicking yours if you try anything on me! So fuck off!”
Lumpus stared at her as she glowered at him, breathing so heavily she was practically snorting, livid with rage. Then, he did the unthinkable.
Lumpus grinned.
“Good going, Janey,” Lumpus said calmly, standing up and fixing her with a steely gaze that she hadn’t seen since the Denmother came. “I really didn’t think you’d figure it out. I had this whole thing planned, you know, the old ‘hey, baby’ and ‘I want to romance you’ and oh, my personal favorite, ‘let’s get a bite to eat.’ Guess it’s back to the drawing board.”
“Draw all you want!” Jane screamed. “It’s never gonna—”
“Oh, yes it will, Janet,” Lumpus interrupted dangerously. “It’ll happen. It’ll happen because I’m the evil genius, not you. I am. I’m the one who will eat you down and there’s nothing you can do to stop me because no matter what happens, no matter what will happen, you’re mine, Janet. Mine. And nothing’s gonna change that. Not some handsome dude, not cruel little scouts, not seeing other people, not years of ignoring each other. Nothing. You are mine!”
Lazlo had heard enough and kicked the door down. He wielded a shotgun in his hands. "You fuckhead." He snarled. "LAZLO!" Lumpus yelled in fear. "And now, I'm gonna put you out of your misery." Lazlo blasted him in the face, sending him into the wood chipper near the window.
Lumpus's body was now a pile of meat. "You fucking animal. Stay dead." With that, Lazlo headed towards the sunset with Jane in a Honda. "Damn, I'm a bitch." Lazlo kissed Jane and fondled her ass.
Lumpus licked his lips as Slinkman brought him his meal. "Here you go, Scoutmaster Lumpus." He lifted up the lid of the platter and Miss Mucus's head was on it. "Ah, my favorite. Pig head." He slammed the fork into one of her eyes and ripped out the eyeball and swallowed it. "Yummy." He grinned.
Then he began to eat the rest of her like a wild dog, and when he was finished, he tossed the bones in the garbage. "Slinkman, that was perfect!" He began to pick out the tongue meat stuck n his teeth. "I know, sir." Slinkman pushed another cart into the dining room. "Would you like some Gretchen for dinner, sir?" He placed her head on the plate.
"No, no. I must watch my appetite, Slinkman, you know that." Lumpus grabbed the plate and tossed it out into the forest. "Let the wolves have it." He laughed evilly into the night.
The next morning, all the scouts were lined up to the shed.
"What's going on?" Dave asked. "How should I know?" Edward hissed. "Raj? You're up." Slinkman ordered. Raj walked inside and looked at Lumpus. "Hello, Raj. I've been waiting for you." He smiled. "Excuse me, Scoutmaster, but what is this about?" The elephant asked. "It's about this, my little friend." Lumpus pulled out a pistol and shot him in the head.
Thankfully, the room was soundproof. Lumpus then proceeded to carry the body into the wood chipper. "In we go!" He tossed it in and shreds of Raj fell into a pile of organs and cartilage. "Yummy-yum!" Lumpus gathered it all up and placed it in a jar, then he sent it off in a mail truck. "I sure hope Hannibal likes this." Lumpus giggled.
Lumpus poked his head out of the door. "NEXT!" He roared. Edward stomped in. "All right, Lumpus, what's it all about?" the platypus demanded. "I'm going to eat you tonight, my little yummy friend." Lumpus licked his lips. "What did you say?" Edward asked, fearfully. "I said that I’m going to eat you, Edward." Lumpus grinned evilly. "RUN FOR IT!" Edward stuck his head out the door and screamed at the campers. "LUMPUS WANTS TO EAT US!"
Everyone ran like hell and Edward was yanked down onto the floor and his head was cut off by Lumpus's axe, blood spurting on the floor. "Slinkman, prep him while I catch me some finger-lickin' scouts." Lumpus grabbed his shotgun. He ran out and shot Ping-Pong and Dave, then shot Samson. "HAHAHAHA! THIS WILL BE THE PERFECT FEAST!" Lumpus howled insanely.
"RAJ! WHERE ARE YOU?" Lazlo yelled. "RAJ!" Clam yelped. Lumpus blew off Chip's head and crushed in Skip's skull. "I'm gonna have me a smorgasbord! HAAHAHAHA!" Lumpus howled in laughter.
Lazlo wept as he and Clam wept into a ditch.
"Raj's gone, Clam! HE'S GONE!" Clam hugged him. "Raj.." Clam whimpered. "LAZZIE! CLAMMY!" Lumpus sang out. "Oh, god..." Lazlo sobbed quietly. "Lumpus." Clam growled and ran from the ditch. "CLAM, NO!" Lazlo sobbed.
Lumpus smiled as every last camper was carried into the kitchen. "Hmmm... I should invite Miss Doe and have dinner. Sounds lovely." Lumpus licked his lips. "MURDERER!" Clam roared. Lumpus turned around and giggled."Clammy..." He grabbed Clam and sild his dagger into his throat, causing blood to gush out.
Something in Lazlo's mind snapped. Lazlo glared at Lumpus as he dissected Clam and placed his organs in a zip-top bag. "Lumpus will die! HE WILL FUCKING DIE!" The monkey roared.
Later....
"Oh, Lumpus!" Giggled Jane Doe. She had already eaten some Filet of Samson, some Edward a la king, a bit of Lemming pie and some Dave sausage. "The dinner was delicious! Except for the stew.." "What are you talking about? The stew was you know, a bit greasy mind you, but still good!" Lumpus smiled at her.
"Can I have some more of that chicken-fried steak?" Jane asked. Lumpus grabbed the Ping-Pong steak and gave it to her. "And now, my piece-de-resistance, I give you this!" He pulled a cart in and lifted the lid of the platter, showing Clam, in soup form.
"Oooh, Scoutmaster Lumpus! You have outdone yourself!" Jane began munching down as well as Lumpus on the rest of the food that was made from the dead campers. Lumpus managed to sneak a little of the Raj vindaloo in his mouth.
Lazlo watched in rage as his so-called scoutmaster ate his friends. "You fucking asshole. You lying bastard!" He hissed and snuck inside. Lazlo dropped into the den and stopped past Slinkman's quarters. He saw the slug eat some Patsy cupcakes, some barqbue Nina ribs, some Almondine wings and some Walrus cake.
"You animal!" Lazlo shouted before running up the stairs. "Who said that?" Slinkman opened the door and found no one. Suddenly, Lazlo roared and leapt at him. "AAH!" Slinkman screamed in fear.
Lumpus lifted his head and looked around. "Lumpus, what's wrong?" Jane asked. "Nothing, I'll go check it out." Lumpus got up and walked towards Slinkman's room. "All right, Slinkman, what's going ON?!" Lumpus's heart skipped a beat as he saw his assistant's body scattered across the room. "What the fuck is this?" Lumpus growled.
Lazlo shot into the dining room and glared at Jane. "Hello, Lazlo. What are you doing here?" "I've come to tell you something. Have you noticed how many campers you're missing?" he asked. "Come to think of it, all of my scouts are gone. And Ms. Mucus, too." "I'll tell you what happened to them." Lazlo told her everything what happened. Jane's face began to take a pale color.
Lumpus went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Suddenly, a loud scream was heard from downstairs. He ran downstairs and faced an angry Jane. "Jane, What's wrong-"
“You disgusting monster!” Jane roared, quite literally in his face, which had come close enough that her lips almost brushed against him when she shouted. Lumpus jolted in surprise and shrank back, cringing. “You planned this! I can’t believe you, with your little lies about ‘I want to invite you, to dine with you’ and your greatest feast and all the things you ‘accidentally’ brought up to make all of this! And… and… I don’t believe you!”
"Jane, I don't understand-" Lumpus began.
“SHUT UP! Did you honestly think you’d be able to fool me with this?! Did you think I wouldn’t see the scouts you killed as ingredients for food as part of some big psychotic master plan engineered by you to fulfill your sick desires?”
"Jane, please, It wasn't my fault-" Lumpus was shaking now.
“Oh, sure it wasn’t! Wasn’t your fault at all! You were just the guy who happened to be there when it happened! Just like you just happened to be okay with me clinging to you on that dinner idea! And you just happened to make some food! And you just happened to steal my scouts to use in your yummy feast! IT’S ALL PART OF YOUR EVIL PLAN!”
"Jane-" Lumpus said desperately
“Let me tell you something, Mister—oh, excuse me, Scoutmaster—I’m Jane doe and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you deceive me into anything! I kick ass in the truest sense of the word and I’ll be kicking yours if you try anything on me! So fuck off!”
Lumpus stared at her as she glowered at him, breathing so heavily she was practically snorting, livid with rage. Then, he did the unthinkable.
Lumpus grinned.
“Good going, Janey,” Lumpus said calmly, standing up and fixing her with a steely gaze that she hadn’t seen since the Denmother came. “I really didn’t think you’d figure it out. I had this whole thing planned, you know, the old ‘hey, baby’ and ‘I want to romance you’ and oh, my personal favorite, ‘let’s get a bite to eat.’ Guess it’s back to the drawing board.”
“Draw all you want!” Jane screamed. “It’s never gonna—”
“Oh, yes it will, Janet,” Lumpus interrupted dangerously. “It’ll happen. It’ll happen because I’m the evil genius, not you. I am. I’m the one who will eat you down and there’s nothing you can do to stop me because no matter what happens, no matter what will happen, you’re mine, Janet. Mine. And nothing’s gonna change that. Not some handsome dude, not cruel little scouts, not seeing other people, not years of ignoring each other. Nothing. You are mine!”
Lazlo had heard enough and kicked the door down. He wielded a shotgun in his hands. "You fuckhead." He snarled. "LAZLO!" Lumpus yelled in fear. "And now, I'm gonna put you out of your misery." Lazlo blasted him in the face, sending him into the wood chipper near the window.
Lumpus's body was now a pile of meat. "You fucking animal. Stay dead." With that, Lazlo headed towards the sunset with Jane in a Honda. "Damn, I'm a bitch." Lazlo kissed Jane and fondled her ass.