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Past and present tense...confusing sometimes.

Name: Anonymous 2012-10-17 10:53

Am I mixing up past and present tense? Sometimes it's difficult to tell.

Turn back the clock a few years to a dark movie theater. Her cheap perfume was intoxicating. My heart beat was drowning out the fireworks of the movie. I was making a move on a girl for the first time in my life. The welcoming warmth of her insides seemed surprisingly pleasant as we blindly flailed our tongues around. All so foreign, guided purely by primitive instincts. My hand was buried inside her short skirt. Fingers wrestled around teenage panties and bare thigh, ramming into what I hoped was the correct hole. A tiny pink flower welcomed a solitary finger, sliding deep into a warm nest of nectar fluids flowing down my hand. Her breathing became heavier, as it bathed me in the sweet smell of candy and popcorn. My hand took on a life of it's own, playing with different directions and rhythmic patterns. All the while my palm was accidentally caressing her clit. The perfect mistake. Her cries of joy began to rival the surround sound. Luckily our show was playing to an empty theater. She seemed possessed as her body flailed from side to side. Grabbing at my hand. Pushing me in further. An explosion in the movie shot across the screen shedding a white light on the entire room. Her face was beaming red as she let out a final yelp, bucking high into the air. Before the theater went dark again our eyes met and I saw a feral animal.  Her body collapsed from utter bliss, shaking ever so slightly as vibrating waves of pure pleasure coursed through for the very first time. I could see the silhouette of her rib cage beating up and down as she tried to catch her breathe. A mess of blonde hair covered most of her beautiful face, a grin formed below the golden nest of sweat drenched hair. She wanted to return the favor. Pouncing on me with this look of hunger I'd never seen before. No longer a mindful individual but an animal with a craving for flesh. There was a lust deep inside that had been clawing at her mind's eye. Growing stronger with age until one day the levee broke. Pants at my thighs, I could feel her warm, soft lips sliding down as the tongue caressed every curve. Head bouncing up and down, so eager to please. It wasn't long before a familiar and all together different feeling interrupted my seven minutes in heaven. I felt something crawling up the inside of my shaft.  In my infinite stupidity, I  mistook this for an urge to take a leak. Understand that before this blissful moment in time, I had never had an orgasm in my life. No one taught me what to be prepared for or whether it'd be good or bad. Our bible-thumping teacher basically taught me that God wanted us to do this for procreation and if done outside of marriage my penis would grow warts and fall off. In a panic I blurted out that I had to pee as my date looked up in a dazed state of awakened, overpowering, lustful hunger. I dashed off with full erection poorly hidden to the restroom. To my idiotic surprise the feeling had mysteriously vanished and nausea replaced it as I experienced my first blue balls. Confused but not defeated, I marched back to that theater determined to continue what was started in the name of all the sexually inept youth. Once again I lay in my seat, staring at the light refractions of the projector create a rainbow, my head flung backward in ecstasy. I could feel the desperation in her technique, she wanted so badly to please. Movements became more frantic as she hungered for what was to come. The feeling came again, as fluids inched up my throbbing adolescent member. Something inside told me not to stop, so I threw caution to the wind.  A rattling release I'd never felt before came as muscles spasmed uncontrollably. Fluids rushing out in pumps of pure pleasure. Every inch of my member became sensitive to touch and the movie was now louder than ever. My senses were on overload. She looked at me with a devilish grin, her lips bright red, mouth covered in a wet mixture of juices. That night was a first for a lot of things.

Name: Anonymous 2012-10-21 23:09

I don't think tense should be your biggest concern right now. You have a large number of sentence fragments that destroy readability. You should read aloud for one thing, and do a little basic reading on comma and semi-colon use and your writing should massively improve. But to answer your question, there are a few tense errors but it really isn't your biggest problem.

Name: Anonymous 2012-10-23 10:06

Thanks for the feedback, I'll study up on my comas and semi-colons.

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