Tell me what you think!!!!

Starting a short story. Who do ya think?


Flowers.
These were the first things Walter recognized. He hadn't yet opened his eyes, though he was immediately aware of their presence. The pleasant aroma of healthy soil and the feel of stems, leaves and petals were all too familiar to him. At first, he only recognized the familiar scent of the pleasant roses, the pungent aroma of rosemary, and an assortment of other common flowers. However, the longer he lay with his eyes closed, the more smells he picked up. Some smelled exotic, others quite homely.
After acknowledging the greenery surrounding him, he realized the warmth that only the sun could provide.. It was a comforting sort of feeling, like warm clothes fresh out of the dryer. Not abrasively hot, but just warm enough to remind one of pleasant summer days and the comforts of a safe place. As he lay in the comfort of the flowers, the sun shining pleasantly upon his brow, the uneasiness sunk in.

awesome, I would like to read more

I fucken hate rosemary

acknowledging ... realized
Some parallelism here would be nice. “Acknowledging ... recognized” or somesuch. I'd be interested to see where this is going, more for the bulk of the text than the cliffhanger ending.

Utterly pointless.

Here's a rule of thumb: if you publish something before it's finished, it's shit, and you know it, and you arne't going to finish it.

Also, this isn't a beginning of a short story, this is just a random, useless passage about flowers. You don't start ANYTHING with random descriptions of useless shit. Unless it turns out fucking glorious right after that, flowers playing a homungous role or somehting, which obviously isn't the case here, because you don't have anything planned yet and just want some silly Internet recognition for a badly written short passage.

All in all, you should probably quit.

>>5
Now, after I'm done with this, here's some criticizm, although you don't need it, because you aren't a writer. But who cares.

Flowers.
These were the first things Walter recognized.
Should have been, "Flowers were the first thing..." etc. Juvenile emphasis of yours is poor taste.

The pleasant aroma of healthy soil and the feel of stems, leaves and petals were all too familiar to him.
Cut "to him" as utterly unnecessary Isn't it fucking obvious to whom? There's nobody else the reader's aware of in there, you know.

It was a comforting sort of feeling
Should be: "It was a comforting feeling."
I understand your urge to talk like a teenage girl, but in prose, you shouldn't, unless you're writing teenage girl dialogue - and, on a second thought, even then, you still shouldn't.

Not abrasively hot, but just warm enough to remind one of pleasant summer days and the comforts of a safe place.
Cut "just".

and the comforts of a safe place. As he lay in the comfort of the flowers
Comfort, comfort. Repetition isn't as bad as teachers say, but here it's unnecessary.

You use the word "comfort" too much. "All too familiar" is more or less a cliché and you should get rid of it. That's just for starters. This is pretty poor all round.

>>5
>>6
Wow.  You're a total asshole.  Hey >>1,  I guess you've learned the first lesson: get used to rejection, and snotty, mean, little shitbags who can't spell trying to tell you what "you should have written".  Here are some important things about writing.
1.  Writing is rewriting.  Here you have a scene, some nice descriptive language, and a compelling last sentence.  Nice job.  Now keep going, and once you've finished the piece, re-write it.  Tighten it up, and remember that structure serves to make reading easier and more pleasurable. 
2.  Don't let writing, or rather what your impression of what writing should be like, get in the way of telling the story.
3.  Just keep writing.  Practice makes perfect.  The more you write, the better you'll get.  Keep getting feedback, and ignore the assholes.

>>6
Should have been, "Flowers were the first thing..." etc. Juvenile emphasis of yours is poor taste.
In other words, never attempt to convey anything through pacing, least of all the character's mental processes. In other news, James Joyce is a dickhead. Not that OP is any James Joyce, but come on.

Cut "to him" as utterly unnecessary Isn't it fucking obvious to whom? There's nobody else the reader's aware of in there, you know.
You don't think “too ... to” sounds kind of nice?

Cut "just".
Leave it. It's an easy word to overuse, but aids in envisioning just how warm it is.

Comfort, comfort. Repetition isn't as bad as teachers say, but here it's unnecessary.
The last sentence could do with a rephrase. Cutting “comfort” isn't a bad idea, since in this very sentence he begins to feel uneasy: it's a mixed message. It's also odd to speak of the sun shining, since that's a primarily visual phenomenon, and his eyes are still closed. The sun might be warming his brow, or perhaps heating it, to fit with uneasiness.