Twilight

When it comes to media influences, we are most concerned with what our heroes do. After all, they are supposed to be the most admirable of people. A villain’s actions are assumed to be questionable, but the hero is, well, essentially noble. Why is it, then, that no one seems to be concerned that Edward Cullen, hero of the bestselling books Twilight and New Moon, is an abusive boyfriend? His actions repeatedly demonstrate a dangerous mentality of dependency and control.

The first thing any girl hears in a dating violence discussion is that jealousy is not love. Yet Edward is critically jealous of Jacob Black, one of Bella’s family friends. Edward pushes Jacob aside from the end of Twilight where, when Jacob asks Bella if she’d like another dance, Edward answers “I’ll take it from here.” Perhaps Bella would prefer to dance with Edward – but it’s her decision to tell Jacob that, not Edward’s. The situation only escalates as Jacob becomes closer to Bella. In a confrontation at the end of New Moon, Bella is genuinely afraid for Jacob’s life. Fans of the series might say “Oh, but Jacob is a werewolf – they’re historical enemies.” Would this excuse an English beau from threatening an Irish friend?

Moreover, in Eclipse, Edward is intent on keeping Bella from associating with Jacob at all. When she says in the first chapter that she’s planning on visiting Jacob without Edward if necessary, he says simply “I’ll stop you.” That is to say, he is willing to use physical force rather than let his girlfriend see one of her closest friends. And it does come to force – to removing a vital part from Bella’s truck and bribing Alice to keep Bella under house arrest when he isn’t around.

A general dislike of Jacob would be understood. But taking steps to prevent your partner from spending time with someone that you dislike is abuse, plain and simple. And his surprising calm after Bella kisses Jacob seems more indicative to me of a cycle of abuse and reconciliation than any real resolution.

Jealousy is a control tactic. As such, it is often paired with isolation – a technique most familiar in cult dynamics. As soon as Edward and Bella begin dating, Edward criticizes her friends as ‘shallow.’ Bella soon stops going anywhere with other friends. Not having formed strong bonds before Edward appears on the scene, Bella never bothers to form them at all. The isolation is so complete that when Edward leaves in the beginning of New Moon, Bella spends three months in a depressed state before rediscovering her other friends. Yes, it’s understandable to want to spend time with your boyfriend. But when you have quite literally no life outside of them – when their absence leaves you so utterly lost – that is unhealthy. And it is wrong of Edward to encourage it. As already demonstrated with Jacob Black, Bella is capable of forming strong friendships when Edward isn't monopolizing her time.

Moreover, a part of this isolation is fully and unarguably intentional. When Edward leaves Bella, he flat-out forbids Alice, Bella’s best friend at the time, from seeing her. His motivation? To ensure a “clean break.” But it is Bella’s right to decide when and how she wants to forget about their relationship. Presuming to dictate her healing process for her is the height of control – it is assuming that you have the right to a person’s thoughts.

Abandonment is yet another control tactic. It is emotionally jarring, disruptive, and, if timed properly, can convince the target that their life is less worthwhile without the abuser. I have been the subject of this treatment myself – and, if it were not for my close friends, it would have worked. Thanks to isolation, Bella has no such friends. When Edward resurfaces, she immediately clings to him more desperately than before. He has become her only lifeline.

Of course, Edward resurfaces in that he attempts suicide. I don’t care what Romeo and Juliet says: suicide is not romantic. Apart from being mentally unstable, this is characteristic of abusive boyfriends. Many abused women remain with their boyfriends because they believe that they still love each other. They often feel responsible for their boyfriend, who tells them “I can’t live without you.” For obvious reasons, Bella doesn’t want to be responsible for Edward’s death. But because of this fear for his life, she stays in a self-destructive relationship.

Perhaps Edward didn’t realize that Bella was alive when he tried to kill himself. But that just proves that he was unstable enough to go through with it – he had made the threat long before he made the attempt. Bella did not laugh off the threat – it shocked and horrified her. If Edward hurt himself, she felt it would be “because of her.” And that puts a burden of responsibility on her that no person can or should be made to bear.

This sense of responsibility for his welfare also extends to lying to her father. Encouraged deception is a red flag for an abusive relationship. Yes, you can argue that Bella shouldn’t tell her father about Edward’s vampirism for the same reason that she wouldn’t tell anyone if he had AIDS: respect for privacy. But it is expected that she would tell her father when she is with her boyfriend. Lying is unnecessary. You can argue that Edward does not encourage her to lie, instead asking her to tell someone where she is. But this statement is consistently followed with ’So I know that if I kill you, I’ll get in trouble for it.’ (“To give me some small incentive to bring you back,” p 214) Predictably, it has the opposite effect: Bella, out of her sense of responsibility for her boyfriend, keeps their dates secret. Thus serving Edward’s ends. Many teenagers will lie to their parents about their dates without a second thought. But this doesn’t make it right. In fact, it only shows that Edward can’t plead ignorance regarding how Bella would react to his statement. Any mind reader will know what she’d do.

Time and time again in Twilight, Edward frightens Bella. Fear is emotional abuse. It can also be used to assert control. Fans might say that Edward is constantly telling Bella how much he wants to kill her and giving unnecessary displays of strength in order to convince her not to stay with him. Why, then, doesn’t he take the lead and stay away from Bella? Why didn’t he stay in Alaska? Why didn’t he simply switch Biology classes? Because he’s “selfish.” If he is unable to stay away from her, he has no right to scare her. Calmly explaining the danger – once, as accurately as possible, without hyperbole – will suffice. And then a boy who really cared would help her take necessary precautions for her safety. For example, telling Charlie when they would be together. Or, having Carlisle chaperon. Or by having a double date with Alice and Jasper, or by sticking in public places, or any of dozens of other measures, since Edward clearly doesn’t believe that feeding often is precaution enough. But that would prevent Bella from swooning over his “devotion.”

For that matter, why is he under the impression that seeing the dents his shoulders left in a car is insufficient to remind her that he is, in fact, stronger than your average human?

Finally, Edward refuses to allow Bella to make her own decisions. She insists she does not want to go to the prom – he brings her there without telling her. She insists she doesn’t want a birthday party – he gives her a surprise party. She does not want to leave Charlie while James is loose – he throws her in the back seat and tells his brother to hold her down. When she resists, he either works around her back or manipulates her decision, kissing her until she forgets her argument. Real boyfriends respect their girlfriend’s right to a decision. Abusive boyfriends must make all the decisions – using force if necessary. It doesn’t matter whether he thinks he’s acting in her best interests or not. Free will is non-exchangeable. And it should be.

The circumstances of their engagement is a perfect example of his inability to let her make her own decisions. He agrees, at the end of New Moon, that he will change her into a vampire if and only if she marries him first. Marriage is not a bargaining tool. Vampirism and marriage are both commitments – but they are separate commitments, and should be discussed separately. The fact that he never intended for her to make that bargain, that he used it as a delay, is not an excuse. Rather, it is further evidence of a need to manipulate the relationship according to his wants and needs.

Likewise, when Bella decides that she does not want to apply to Dartmouth, he ignores her and forges her signature on the paperwork. Going to a college outside of the Ivy League will not place Bella’s life or even her general contentment in danger. Yet he resolves that it is his decision to make, not hers.

A parallel incident can be found when he forges a note to Charlie in her handwriting on the day he leaves her in the middle of the woods. Yes, it turned out to be a good thing that Charlie knew that she was out there when she went missing, but no, that doesn't excuse forging a note when it would have been just as easy to write the note as himself: "Hey, Chief Swan, it's Edward. Bella and I are going for a walk in the woods. Be back soon."

For those fans who insist on some definite physical, non-negotiable sign of abuse, recall how Edward enters her house after leaving her in New Moon and hides every one of her personal possessions associated with himself. Destroying someone’s stuff is never OK and always an abusive act. Even – especially! – when he’s trying to control her healing process. Add the fact that Edward is prone to watching Bella while she sleeps – repeatedly, without her knowledge – and you have one very unhealthy relationship.

Yet in Eclipse, we seem to have a point of some resolution. As Eclipse moves on, Edward makes the radical decision to let Bella take some control of her own life and her own friendships. As it draws to a close, he even comes to realize that it was wrong of him to think he knew what was best for her. Awareness, I have always thought, is the most crucial step in dealing with an unhealthy relationship. Does this mean that Edward and Bella have finally worked their problems out?

Unfortunately, I don’t think that this is the case. First of all, there is the fact that this "realization" is handed down as a proclamation from Edward, a statement of how he intends to act. True to the pattern of their relationship, Bella has nothing to do with this statement, and merely accepts it passively, without trying to discuss with Edward how they can have a more balanced relationship. Lack of communication implies a lack of any real development in the relationship. Translation: Meyer is trying to appease the critics by slipping in this speech of Edward's. And then Edward goes ahead and invites Jacob to the wedding even after Bella specifically said that she didn't want to invite him. Was it a good idea to have Jacob there, a gesture of reconciliation? Maybe. But maybe it was twisting the knife, and it's Bella's right to make that call.

And there remains one crucial element of domination in this relationship that has not been addressed – possessiveness. Talking of marriage, Edward says, “I want the world to know that you’re mine and no one else’s.” This is not normal, and it is not healthy! Even married couples have a life outside of each other. That sentiment, “You’re mine,” might seem a mark of devotion, but it is a denial of Bella’s full humanity. That mentality remains whether the couple is aware of it or not. And it will resurface eventually.

That, I think, is more dangerous than any poison could be. The fact that such a deadly emotion could hide under the mask of love. The most frightening part of the story of Edward and Bella is not that he hurts her, is not that she loves him regardless, it is that when in the height of Edward’s controlling madness Jacob asks if he could possibly be an abusive boyfriend… Bella does not even consider the thought.

The difference between love and obsession is not an idea to be ignored.

Edward is jealous of Jacob, to the tune of actively preventing her from having a relationship with him. Abuse red flag number one.
arrow Edward isolates Bella from her friends, then abandons her. At that time, he tells her "you aren't good enough," in blatant disregard for how this is going to hurt her.
arrow In abandoning her, he forbids her best friend - Alice - from seeing her.
arrow "I couldn't live without you." : Edward attempts suicide over Bella, telling her beforehand that he's planning on doing so. Control tactic.
arrow Edward encourages Bella to lie to her father about seeing him, and furthermore sneaks around Charlie's back in order to see Bella after curfew and before Charlie knew about the relationship.
arrow Edward frightens Bella unnecessarily with his vampirism but does not take steps to ensure her safety.
arrow Edward does not allow Bella to make her own decisions or to disagree with him.
arrow In the beginning of New Moon, Edward hides, takes, or destroys all her possessions that are associated with him.
arrow Edward takes Bella's belongings that are associated with him in an effort to control her healing process. But Bella is in charge of how she deals with the loss.
arrow Edward watches Bella while she sleeps. Even before Bella is aware that he is doing so. A violation of privacy.

Common Arguments

Edward didn't mean to hurt her.
But he did hurt her. We can't rationalize abuse, even if it is not consciously intentional.
Edward is jealous of Jacob because he's a dangerous werewolf - remember Emily.
And remember that unnamed 'singer' girl that Emmet killed. Jacob is dangerous. Edward is also dangerous. Double standards are not cool.

Edward doesn't encourage her to lie to Charlie - he asks her to tell Charlie that they're seeing each other.
He asks he to tell Charlie so he'll have "some small incentive" not to kill her - that is, so he'll get in trouble if he hurts her. Since Bella has shown a strong disregard for her own safety, this isn't a compelling argument. Further, his actions in sneaking around Charlie's back both before and after curfew was instated demonstrate a real disregard for any sense of openness between Bella and her father.

Edward scares Bella to make her understand the danger.
No matter what the reason, it isn't right to try and frighten your girlfriend. She knows he's dangerous and can decide to take that risk for herself.

Edward tries to act in Bella's own interests.
Which he attempts by taking away Bella's independence and free will. Not a good deal.

Edward's attempted suicide proves he loves her - it's not a control tactic.
Killing yourself over someone does not prove you love them, it proves that you need mental help.

Edward committed suicide because he thought Bella was dead. It can't have been an attempt to control her.
But he told her that he was going to commit suicide beforeheand - and that makes it a suicide threat, which is characteristic of abusers. Some of them are unstable enough to go through with it. Plus, even if his suicide is contingent on her death rather than her absence, it's still imposing on her decisions by making her re-evaluate the daily risks that she's willing to take.

Edward is a vampire. You can't apply human psychology to him.
Why not? He was born human and has lived in human society for the past hundred years. Yes, as a vampire he's going to have a different perspective on some things, but the psychology is essentially the same.

Edward is only human. He makes mistakes.
And, like a human, is responsible for his actions. Making mistakes is understandable - repeating them heedless to others is abuse.

Why do you care so much anyway?
Because it's indicitive of a pattern in society to idealize unhealthy and abusive relationships.

Edward Cullen, realizing his mindreading gift, begins using it defensively to predict the actions of humans he encounters. As he accrues more and more experience, he becomes more and more accurate. And he learns to dismiss people. This is his first mistake.

Like the Volturi, he sees the thirst as a natural part of vampirism. So he becomes less and less committed to denying it.

If I only prey upon the predators, it can’t be evil, can it?

He forgets that someone listening to his thoughts would see precisely the cold-hearted killer he isn’t. His victims see it. As do his intended beneficiaries. In time, he sees it himself – the red-eyed figure in the mirror. It embodies the thirst. But because he has seen thirst as a natural part of vampirism, it is impossible to separate them now. The Villain was Vampire.

Carlisle had conquered Him. I… I had let Him win.

Edward returns to Carlisle, hoping to learn how to defeat Vampire. But he does not understand that Carlisle defeats Vampire by accepting it. This is his second mistake/ He learns to control his thirst, but not entirely. In an effort to keep Vampire away, he stays as far away from humans as possible.

Enter Bella. He cannot hear her thoughts, and so he cannot dismiss her and brush her off as he has taught himself to do. But perhaps he can still avoid her. Then science class…

I thought I had locked him far out of sight, but He crept out through the cracks to remind me, laughing, that I was still His slave.

He runs away. But he comes back.

I had defeated Him. I knew it. He couldn’t hurt me, He couldn’t have me. I was free…

However, it’s a small town and a smaller school, and he can’t help being in close proximity to Bella. Which is why he finds himself in the parking lot on that particular icy morning. Later, he won’t know why he saved her. But his response to Tyler’s van was based on a fundamental human emotion.

Boredom.

His habit of making and acting on assumptions, cardboard thought-images of the people he meets, has left him locked within his family. New is dangerous. Categories are safe. But the human mind, the vampire mind, thrive on the unexpected. And so he reacts to push Bella away from that truck because he can’t stand losing the one aspect of his life that he can’t predict. The one aspect of his life that is dangerous.

Of course, as soon as his conscious mind regains control, he again attempts to limit his contact as much as possible. He tries to dissuade Bella from being near him through vague warnings. He assumes that she will be naturally repulsed by the vampire in him.

Why can’t she see Him leering at her? Does she have a death wish?

He doesn’t realize that Bella sees an entirely different vampire from the one lurking in the back of his mind.

Now we come to that night in Seattle, those men with predatory intentions. All he can see is anger, and the grinning red-eyed Vampire. So he stays with her, because as frightened of her as he is, he is frightened of it more.

Please… don’t let Him take me. I am strong, but weak enough. Help me...

To his shock, she knows what he is. She knows the name of his captor. And yet she does not pull away from him. So he stays with her still because she reminds him of what it is to be human, because every time she marvels at him he knows that he is strong, because as near as the thirst is, he can feel its master. He keeps her close.

Except for when they get too close. Then he lashes out at her.

Damn it, Bella – you’ll be the death of me. You’ll hand me over to Him. I know you will…

He claims, perhaps believes, that he is dangerous to her. But he is yet more dangerous to himself, for he does not know his fear and his anger. He does not know its source.

Until his adversary appears in the flesh. A red-eyed face in a forest clearing. Perhaps in his inner heart, he cannot tell the difference between James and his Vampire. In any case, his reaction is the same as it would be if the struggle were inside his head.

He runs.

He followed me. Shut up and get out of here. She doesn’t understand, she never fought Him, just a child, just another human. She’s mine, hear me? I will not let You have her. Hold her down. We can run…

Never was Vampire closer to winning than at that moment. You don’t need to take someone’s blood to take their life.

Nor will he accept the idea of turning Bella, because that, too, would feel like a victory for Vampire. It isn’t that he doesn’t believe they have souls. It is that he believes their souls are forfeit to this demon of his own creation.

And it is Bella who again saves him from Vampire’s hold, reminds him of a better way to fight, that there are other lives in the balance, other fights to fight, other ways to trick the hunter.

When Bella herself falls victim to the hunter’s trick, Edward comes closest to being forever free of Vampire’s clutches. He is able to suck the venom from her wound, tell by tastes, as no human could have done, that she was safe. And yet he is unable to draw the poison from his own heart.

Because I was a vampire, I could have killed her.

Does he think that if he were not a vampire, he could not have saved her? No. Vampire is the enemy. Vampire could never perform an act of good.

Even as he runs from Bella to keep her away from Vampire, he does not realize that the danger is only a figment of his own fears and weakness. As long as he does not know who he is really fighting, he cannot win.

And so, whether he is present or not, he will continue to make Bella the victim of a monster that he created.

For the love of God, I hope you're not serious.

I'm certain the poster copypasted that from some some middle-aged housewife's livejournal. If this wasn't a textboard I'm sure there would be fanart to accompany the posts.

oh wow

overacting at its greatest.

I got 2 paragraphs in & realised this should just be summed up to "Edward is a twat"

http://www.antiessays.com/free-essays/20547.html

It's from this site

This shit is crazier than I thought it was. But Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon, so having males control every aspect of her life is considered normal by her. She sees Edward as an ideal male and has said so in the interviews I have been brave enough to watch.