Name: Anonymous 2008-10-18 21:20
N.B. This is a worthless piece of writing. I am ashamed. But anyway, laugh away... out of the pity I deserve. -Writer-kun
Dinner with Jesus
Featuring Ayn Rand, Jesus, Hillary Clinton, George W. Bush Jr., Anonymous, Ted Haggard, and by request only, Ken!
Ayn: Oh dear, it seems my mental subjectivism has created an image of Jesus in my head and now my mind is projecting the image so that it seems that Jesus Christ is sitting in front of me, present in the current reality, which is objectively impossible, since Jesus has no basis in reality. But, but... He does look very real... No! I refuse to believe that Jesus is there! You are just a figment of my imagination!! You hear?!?
Jesus: ...
Hillary Clinton: (Stares at everyone, eyes open wide, chin up)
George: uh thinks this here turkee is goddarnit delishus. oops, sorrie jeezus, didnt mean ta say the lords name in vain, goddarnit
Ted: (Thinks:) Oh God Jesus is sitting right next to me. Now's my chance! Jesus, Jesus, I swear I'm straight! Not gay! Oh, no! It was satan that put that penis in my mouth! Really!!
Hillary: Oh, Ted, quit pretending, we all know you like it up the ass. Not that that bothers me at all.
George: ya, ted, its quite estebl... eastabli... astabule... astayblish'd that your a homosexual
Ted: Jesus, you believe I'm not gay, right?
Ayn: Who is Ted talking to?
Jesus: One of you will betray me tonight.
(Everyone looks at Ayn Rand)
Ayn: What? Me? Oh no, I'm here for the gravy.
Ted: Oh Jesus, I swear, I've changed! I'm yours eternally! I love you Jesus, unconditionally, forever, without regret. You are the oasis of the thirsty, the knowledge of the ignorant, you are my soul's mate. I want you, Jesus, I want you! Take me here, now!
Jesus: Ted, I'm love, but not that kind of love.
Hillary: I think he meant that in a platonic way.
George: whats "playtawnic"?
Ayn: You need not worry, George, you need not worry...
Jesus: Anonymous, why did you do this?
Anonymous: Sorry Jesus. You're still the best, though. I love you.
Ted: I love you too.
Hillary: You do?
George: uh luv turkee (Hugs turkey)
Jesus: Someone is still going to betray me tonight, though.
Ted: Not me!
Hillary: Or me.
(Everyone stares at Hillary)
Hillary: No, really! Just do me one favor, Jesus, make accidents happen... To people named Barack.
Ayn: To everyone named Barack?
Hillary: Yes. Oh, and make it fatal.
Anonymous: You know, Jesus is not a wish machine. You can't just ask him something and expect it to be fulfilled without question.
Jesus: No. I will do it.
Hillary: Really?
Jesus: No.
George: oh mah gawjus turkee... OM NOM NOM
(Awkward silence)
Hillary: You know what, I think it's time to betray people. (Glares at Jesus)
Ted: People? Like the American people?
Hillary: No, I'll do that later. I mean, nooo, betray people? Me? I wouldn't even dream of doing that, oh nooo, I'm just a little old innocent lady from New England with a sincere smile and a big heart... (Tries to laugh normally; cackles instead)
Jesus: You creep me out. All of you.
Dinner with Jesus
Featuring Ayn Rand, Jesus, Hillary Clinton, George W. Bush Jr., Anonymous, Ted Haggard, and by request only, Ken!
Ayn: Oh dear, it seems my mental subjectivism has created an image of Jesus in my head and now my mind is projecting the image so that it seems that Jesus Christ is sitting in front of me, present in the current reality, which is objectively impossible, since Jesus has no basis in reality. But, but... He does look very real... No! I refuse to believe that Jesus is there! You are just a figment of my imagination!! You hear?!?
Jesus: ...
Hillary Clinton: (Stares at everyone, eyes open wide, chin up)
George: uh thinks this here turkee is goddarnit delishus. oops, sorrie jeezus, didnt mean ta say the lords name in vain, goddarnit
Ted: (Thinks:) Oh God Jesus is sitting right next to me. Now's my chance! Jesus, Jesus, I swear I'm straight! Not gay! Oh, no! It was satan that put that penis in my mouth! Really!!
Hillary: Oh, Ted, quit pretending, we all know you like it up the ass. Not that that bothers me at all.
George: ya, ted, its quite estebl... eastabli... astabule... astayblish'd that your a homosexual
Ted: Jesus, you believe I'm not gay, right?
Ayn: Who is Ted talking to?
Jesus: One of you will betray me tonight.
(Everyone looks at Ayn Rand)
Ayn: What? Me? Oh no, I'm here for the gravy.
Ted: Oh Jesus, I swear, I've changed! I'm yours eternally! I love you Jesus, unconditionally, forever, without regret. You are the oasis of the thirsty, the knowledge of the ignorant, you are my soul's mate. I want you, Jesus, I want you! Take me here, now!
Jesus: Ted, I'm love, but not that kind of love.
Hillary: I think he meant that in a platonic way.
George: whats "playtawnic"?
Ayn: You need not worry, George, you need not worry...
Jesus: Anonymous, why did you do this?
Anonymous: Sorry Jesus. You're still the best, though. I love you.
Ted: I love you too.
Hillary: You do?
George: uh luv turkee (Hugs turkey)
Jesus: Someone is still going to betray me tonight, though.
Ted: Not me!
Hillary: Or me.
(Everyone stares at Hillary)
Hillary: No, really! Just do me one favor, Jesus, make accidents happen... To people named Barack.
Ayn: To everyone named Barack?
Hillary: Yes. Oh, and make it fatal.
Anonymous: You know, Jesus is not a wish machine. You can't just ask him something and expect it to be fulfilled without question.
Jesus: No. I will do it.
Hillary: Really?
Jesus: No.
George: oh mah gawjus turkee... OM NOM NOM
(Awkward silence)
Hillary: You know what, I think it's time to betray people. (Glares at Jesus)
Ted: People? Like the American people?
Hillary: No, I'll do that later. I mean, nooo, betray people? Me? I wouldn't even dream of doing that, oh nooo, I'm just a little old innocent lady from New England with a sincere smile and a big heart... (Tries to laugh normally; cackles instead)
Jesus: You creep me out. All of you.