My little brother's attempt at a book.

The mediocre novel without a title

Prologue

There he was, a young man in his 20’s. John Vivanti, he was called. He was a no body. No career. No car. No family. No pet. No life. And when I say he was a no body, I mean it. He had no body. Literally, he was dead. He was killed in a freak accident when a meteorite fell from the sky and pretty much destroyed most of the face of the planet. Almost everything was evaporated into nothingness. Only few survived, he was not one of them. May he rest in steam.
Jacobo Chan was not so lucky. No, seriously, he wasn’t. Being born half Mexican and half Chinese only made things worse for him. At school he could not really fit in. The Asians thought he was a stupid beaner, while the Mexicans thought he was a smartass f.o.b. So he had to be with the freaks of the freaks. No, I don’t mean that group at the corner of the lunch room wearing all black with long hair in hopes to cover their unattractiveness, lack of self-confidence, schizoid behavior among other problems every teenager suffers from. He would have loved to be in that group. But, due to uncalculated fate, he wasn’t. He was stuck with the Kings of the Freaks, those that didn’t fit anywhere else.
It was a very small group. There was Vladimir Armstrong, the giant; Eric Brownman, the poor genius; Jacobo Chan, the beans and rice special; and Mary Delacroix, the girl that hung out with the ABC’s. Out of all of them, she was the most normal looking one. She was with them because she was a transfer student, and only the ABC’s were the ones nice enough to talk to her. She grew fond of them, and stayed with them. Thus, becoming a freak. The ABC’s ceased to exist when she joined. They would now be known as the ABCD’s, Kings of Freaks. All of the group members pretty much had the same characteristics: smart, witty, a piece of crap for self-confidence, humility, no hope for the future, and a lovely ferocious masturbation schedule every night to internet porn. Yes, even Mrs. Delacroix.
That is not to say that they were very alike. Vladimir Armstrong was actually very handsome; medium length blonde hair with lots of gel, had a pointy chin, blue eyes, medium height; but he was a natural sociopath who hated humanity as a whole, and would sooner or later kill someone, but he loved his friends. Jacobo Chan, also known as Jacky Chon, was,  for lack of a better word, odd. Had dark brown hair, brown skin, slightly above average IQ, beer bottle glasses, skinny, huge eyes, and a videogame addict. And I mean addict to the point of not playing for a day resulted in a severe case of withdrawal. Eric Brownman, also known as Eric Browman because of his huge unibrow, loved to read books about anything: From The Sex Tales of the Underworld to Philosophy of Applied Calculus on Religious Deities. He was a scrawny kid, measuring to 5 feet and 6 inches. Black short hair, thin lips, bunny teeth. Mary Delacroix, on the far opposite to everyone here, was a pretty average girl. White, easy on the eyes, dark brown long hair, cute, kind, smart, and had awesome firm C-cup boobs. You know, those that you just want to squeeze until your hands can no longer move; those that a new born would not mind sucking (or any old enough male, for that matter) all night long. Oh, sweet nectar of youth and puberty.
Mr. Chan’s life was pretty dull an uninteresting. That is, until hell broke loose; when the end of the world came and the final countdown arrived. Humanity was lost. Zero Hour. The end of days. The big bang (not to be confused with “your momma” jokes). Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye. Etcetera.

uhm...

My brother died that way.

If you start with a short prologue, then stop and start showing it to people, be certain: you aren't going to finish this book. Be 100% certain, Anon.

And while we're at it, there we go, some advice to newfag writers:
You should only consider writing a book if you:
- know exactly what happens at every 25% points of your story, especially the 75% mark;
- know exactly how to name your protagonist, and you seriously like his name;
- know exactly what the main conflict of your book is and why it's cool;
- fucking adore your concept, and it makes you happy (not depressed, self-important, clever or whatever - HAPPY, thats vital, motherfucker);
- you seriously would've taken time to read the book you're going to write, even on your motherfucking deathbed, no less.

If you can't answer YES to all things I listed, then another answer:
- have you been promised a huge amount of money ALREADY (not perspectively; already, now or never)?

If both are NO, you shouldn't waste your time. It's not a rule against, it really is great, friendly advice, and I'm not shitting you.

The story would be better if Mary had bigger chest lumps than just C cups.

http://annex.wikia.com

The Annex is fucking awesome.

http://annex.wikia.com

"May he rest in steam." i like this quote

>And when I say he was a no body, I mean it. He had no body. Literally, he was dead.

I stopped reading there.

>>4
>- know exactly what happens at every 25% points of your story, especially the 75% mark;

That's good advice. I'm not OP but I'm writing a book too. Though my book is in thirds, so it is 0% (beginning), 33%, 67%, and end. I find it easier to come up with the 33% point of the story, since that's about where you should have your characters established to the point that you imagined them in the beginning (I find it hard to come up with interesting introductions).

>- know exactly how to name your protagonist, and you seriously like his name;

Yes. And make sure everyone's names use different initials. I fucking hate books where 4 different guys have names beginning with "H".

>- know exactly what the main conflict of your book is and why it's cool;

Not all books have a major conflict.

>>10
>Not all books have a major conflict.

All good ones do, conflict doesn't necessarily mean fighting or overcoming something, it could be something as subtle as two characters having different ways of doing things.

A book without conflict is predictable and boring. If anyone can think of a good example or a book without conflict that provides  a good read (excluding non-fiction of course) I'd like to give it a go though, I'd quite like to be proved wrong if it means getting to read something truly original.

>>11

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

>>12
Dude, you're not even trying...
Seriously now.

>>13
Where's the conflict, bitch?

WHERE'S THE CONFLICT?

>>12

Conflict in H2G2:
For starters protaganists against vogons, the mice and at the very start even when Dent is trying to stop his house being demolished.

There are also secondary minor conflicts between several of the protaganists.

Your example fails.

>>15

Those aren't conflicts, since Arthur is powerless to do anything about any of them for the most part.

The rest isn't really as much conflict as it is exposition.

>>12
Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy books don't count as good. They range from mediocre to absolutely dull and badly written (last one is the worst one).

Anyway, most books have conflicts. Not all, correct. But most; and it's incredibly hard to write a good book that has no major conflict whatsoever. Generally, to write good fiction with no conflict, you have to be some blissful poet from heaven so that your reader could bathe in your prose and become enlightened. I don't think beginner prosaic could do that: suffice to say, most of the best writers in history never ever acheived that, most never even tried, and weren't sorry. Conflict is hard to overcome, since you're writing for human readers, see; now, if your readers were plants or something, it could've been a completely different story.

As for the conflict itself, of course I don't mean a war or something, though war it often is. Conflict might be internal for your character or even his background. It might even be a conflict of literary form: like, mind-fucking your reader, fighting battles of wits on a background of a seemingly pointless story. Without it - the clearly defined and worked out conflict, - I repeat, you gotta be Jesus Buddha of prose to make a really good fictious book.

Now then, since your book is probably going to center on a conflict after all, be sure to know it through and out before you even start writing. Be sure to be absolutely thrilled about it, too; otherwise you won't finish your book, I shit you not.

>>4
I have a shitload of book ideas I absolutely love, and I generally meet all but one of those requirements.

I absolutely freeze at naming the characters. I want to give them names that are memorable, but not completely cheesy, and finding that balance between Joe Smith and Sol Badguy is always a struggle for me.

Also, I don't know about specific percentage points, but generally I start with an idea. Then I figure out how it starts, and how it ends. There aren't two more "big" points though, instead I think of a series of other important moments, like meeting new characters, or discovering new secrets about the characters, and when this happens. And there are plenty of big name authors who start a book without knowing what the ending will be. If there weren't, there would be no such term as Writer's Block.

>>19
I didn't list naming as one of the requirements for nothing, you know. It isn't easy, but you really can't start writing until you're done naming the characters, can you? And if you misname them, it'll haunt you forever and decrease your chances of finising your book.

One way to name your characters appropriately is to give them meaningful names. Make their name a joke or a reference, for example. Don't consider telling names bad - it's only a kiddie perception influenced by shitty "children's", as in, "cheap crap for idiots", literature. Telling names are awesome when used right. Another trick, from interactive literature, the Gyakuten Saiban games (Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney outside of Japan). The main character is called Naruhodou, and "naru hodo" means "I see", as in, "oh, I get it". Every now and then somebody says "Naru hodo, Naruhodou", and writing that must have been bliss for the scriptwriter (who also happens to be the game's story author and director). It obviously is a pun-name. And now, you believed those people who said pun-names are bad, eh.

You might also try using historical/etc names that are more descriptions than names. For example, if your character is called Beowulf, or Mr. Holmes, it opens endless possibilities to double- and triple-layer that one fictional motherfucker of yours. Sure, this can be overused, abused and misused if one has no taste whatsoever, but in that case nothing can help them anyway, ain't I right.

Imagine a character called Mr. Die Lateron. What are your readers gona make of him when they see him?

>>19
Oh, and about the ending. Nobody really knows how it ends when they start writing. Otherwise it's a pain to write. After all, composition is a proces, too, and it must have it's motivations. I, for one, intentionally evade composing endings until I'm about to write them.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't know about general direction of your ending; and as for the culmination, you better sketch it out long before you get to it.

>>20
>I didn't list naming as one of the requirements for nothing, you know. It isn't easy, but you really can't start writing until you're done naming the characters, can you?

Sure you can. Just call them $A, $B, $C, etc.

>And if you misname them, it'll haunt you forever and decrease your chances of finising your book.

Only if it is REALLY obviously a bad name. You know, some people's names become memorable when the characters become great in themselves. It isn't necessarily all about the name. Unless you name your characters something like Sir Fartsalot, you should be fine.

>>22
>Just call them $A, $B, $C, etc.
You sometimes do that when you need to rough-sketch really fast. When you're making a dream into a scene for your bote book before you forget it, for example. But you can't write anything character-centric normally with that kind of proxy names: it decimates your creative capabilities, you know.

>You know, some people's names become memorable when the characters become great in themselves.
Once again, if the author is unhappy with the name, it's going to be a huge obstacle for the creative process. And author being happy about his stuff is an _absolute_ rule for writing really good fiction. You can only write sub-par stuff if you yourself don't give a dime for your book. Of course many authors turn their writing into dull work. That's why most books are dull. Great fiction is always sincere, you know; now, if you're bored, you can't be sincere about it, can you, and insincerity is never ever an option.

Did I make myself clear?

>>23
>Did I make myself clear?
[unanimous kindergarten refrain] "Yes, Mrs. Crabapple."