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Horrible Terrible No Good Books For The Lulz

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 5:44 ID:20lSGg64

Luke Carter and the Sword of Kings.

 A TRAIN is derailed by an EXPLOSION along a northern mountain pass – an act of terror, and part of a great and gruesome battle.

In an ancient valley, so isolated and hidden that most Americans have never seen or heard of it, fires rage and the DEFENDERS of the REALM fight on. The PRIMAL ENEMY of all CLANS has massed an ARMY. The DARKSIDE is on the move!

They launch a surprise attack to finally wipe out an ancient line of leaders who have managed to stop their every advance, or so everyone believes. Many are lost but the DARK ONES FAIL to vanquish a 12 year old girl and her infant brother. Having survived, they now become the Darkside’s only PREY; the last of the naturally born leaders of the Realm. The two are protected and the boy is taken into hiding. It will be nearly a dozen years before anyone hears of him again.

Now, 12 years old, LUKE has grown up in much the same way most boys and girls grow up. He comes from a small American town and is part of a good family. Luke's FAMILY IS NOT LIKE OTHER FAMILIES. A simple truth they NEVER explained to him.

The DARK SECRET is kept from Luke until MISFORTUNE STRIKES and the EVIL MADNESS ARRIVES AT HIS HOME! "Who are these people," Luke demands to know! "Why are they trying to hurt me!"

Like any boy who is lost and alone, Luke is scared and confused. With awkward disbelief he is forced to make hard choices and without anyone’s help. Choices that no 12 year old should ever make. Luke will be forced to walk a DANGEROUS PATH to discover who is FRIEND and who is FOE. Every step of the way the Darkside will be WAITING for him.

The secrets of some of the most ANCIENT LEGENDS of all time will be REVEALED. When they are told, Luke will learn of a very OLD SWORD that the Darkside fears the most. If Luke finds it first he could stop them.

If the Darkside finds it, then we all lose.
__________________________________________________

No, I didn't make any of that up.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 6:20 ID:dJAXW6l6

Is it actually capitalized for emphasis like that in the book itself?

Cause that would be fucking amazing on multiple levels.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 6:28 ID:dJAXW6l6

http://www.lukecarter.com/

I wish this were an imageboard, so that I could post the cover.

Good God, this is inhumane.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 19:57 ID:KZ8nYWYX

Oh My.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 19:59 ID:GjnIkhh2

dl;dr.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 20:02 ID:GjnIkhh2

>>5

lulz

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-03 20:40 ID:xdpk3MDm

A PLANET is destroyed by a SPACE STATION along a SPIRAL ARM OF THE GALAXY – an act of terror, and part of a great and gruesome battle.

On YAVIN IV, so isolated and hidden that most SITH have never seen or heard of it, fires rage and the DEFENDERS of the ALLIANCE fight on. The PRIMAL ENEMY of all JEDI has massed a FLEET. The DARKSIDE is on the move!

They launch a GREAT PURGE to finally wipe out an ancient line of JEDI who have managed to stop their every advance, or so everyone believes. Many are lost but the DARK ONES FAIL to vanquish an infant girl and her infant brother. Having survived, they now become the Darkside’s only PREY; the last of the naturally born JEDI. The two are protected and the boy is taken into hiding. It will be nearly TWO DECADES before anyone hears of him again.

Now, 19 years old, LUKE has grown up in much the same way most boys and girls grow up. He comes from a small FARM and is part of a good family. Luke's FAMILY IS NOT LIKE OTHER FAMILIES. A simple truth they NEVER explained to him.

The DARK SECRET is kept from Luke until MISFORTUNE STRIKES and the EVIL MADNESS ARRIVES AT HIS HOME! "Who are these people," Luke demands to know! "Why did they kill my family!"

Like any boy who is lost and alone, Luke is scared and confused. With awkward disbelief he is forced to make hard choices and without anyone’s help. Choices that no 19 year old should ever make. Luke will be forced to walk a DANGEROUS PATH to discover the FORCE. Every step of the way the Darkside will be WAITING for him.

The secrets of some of the most ANCIENT LEGENDS of all time will be REVEALED. When they are told, Luke will learn of a DEATH STAR, the destruction of which the Darkside fears the most. If Luke destroys it first he could stop them.

If the Darkside finds it, then THE REBELS lose.



AMIRITE?

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-04 2:23 ID:jLT6yCOD

>>1

PWNED by:

>>7

OR:

Star Wars

PWNED by:

>>7

I cannot decide

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-05 2:42 ID:k6EH/R1X

Atlas Shrugged

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-06 23:57 ID:v6qQVtFX

>>7-8

I don't think you two understand that >>1 was supposed to be obvious.

And no, I can't think of any book worse than that.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-07 5:23 ID:dm9zvp/e

>>1
Googly gooey molly! that's awful! what a horrible cover! and the dude is... toad-like.
the shits they make kids swallowing theses days...
but, how is it, compared to http://dis.4chan.org/read/book/1183722844
?

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-07 22:22 ID:Iwk3V89R

The Color Purple.

Sure it touched on some social issues but fucking hell, the whole book written in letter format? If you're gonna do it that way at least try to write it well to make up for the sucky way it's presented as a story.

Name: Anonymous 2007-07-08 2:51 ID:sRan6sKc

>>9

Sorry, you must be in the wrong thread!

Don't change these.
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