Name: Anonymous 2007-05-13 19:41 ID:Z9H4R9x+
Any experienced writers out there wanna critique my script? It's only just started.
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-_- --~ ( ||
T W I S T E D M A N G A I N T E R N A T I O N A L
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(Open in notepad, set text to Courier. Lol, we has a logo!)
***Disclaimer: the following script is a complete work of fiction, and is not designed to reassemble anybody, living or dead. Please do not read this, also. All material (c) Nasty Pirates Manga Inc.***
Synopsis:
-----------------
Working Title: The Hollow
Genre: Hentai,Lesbian
Blurb: Kidnap in the woods, a lot of fucking domination and humiliation
Staff/Credit:
-----------------
Writer: Joe "Venom-san"
Sick minded idea man with lots of spare time who needs a life and a fuck: Ryan "Afro-san"
Artist: ???
Cast:
----------------
Name: Saru Watari
Gender: F
Age: 14
Description: School girl, dark aura, unconventional. Quite gothic/punk sense of fashion. Innocent personality. Thoughtful. Brown hair, shoulder length, Blue Eyes.
Name: Nakamura Kumiko
Gender: F
Age: 15
Description: School girl, lighter aura, slightly more conventional, less intelligent. Blonde/brown hair, shoulder length, sometimes tied back with a hair claw with bangs over face. Green eyes, popular and outgoing, though still best friends with Saru. Mainstream fashion sense.
Name: Kuroda Nanaho
Gender: F
Age: 18
Description: Kidnapper. Dominating, sarcastic personality. Almost satanic dress sense. When hiding/stalking, wears long hooded robe, street wear is black T-shirt and jeans.When fucking the shit out of the victims, wears black lingerie. Dark red tied back hair, loosely.
Supporting:
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Name: Mrs Watari
Gender:F
Age: 40+
Description: Saru's mother. More soon.
Storyboard details:
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Girl walks home from school, gets kidnapped and dominated by attacker. Turns into complete slut. Friend saves her from this mentality..
Here we fucking go:
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(Story opens in classroom. About 20 students sitting in a room in silence, taking notes from the teacher. Focus is on Saru, who is scrawling onto a sheet of paper. Side profile.)
(Monologue, played over top of scene, thought to herself.)
Saru: I am so tired of this place. It's the same routine, every day. I look into the mirror, everyday, and see the same face. I go to school, and learn the same things. It's always the same.
(Frame shows Nakamura, writing as frantically as Saru.)
Saru: I have one friend I can tell everything to, though. And maybe sometimes she gets sick of my moaning, but I can rely on her to cheer me up. Most of the time.
(Shot returns to Saru)
Saru: But there are some things; little things, that gnaw away at me, that I could never get the nerve to tell her. The truth is... I find it hard not to feel alone. I find it harder still to talk to anyone and show my inner-self. Underneath my skin, I know how I feel, and I know what I want... I don't want to be alone.
(On line: "I don't want to be alone," , school bell rings, and everyone packs away quickly and leaves, while Saru remains seated a little longer, then leaves. Monologue over.)
(scene switches to outside school, sunny day, students sitting on steps and leaving for home, Saru stands out, walking sadly down stairs outside of school. Running up behind her is Nakamura.)
Nakamura: Saru! Wait up!
Saru: (Turns to face Naka. Smiles slightly.) Hello, Nakamura.
Nakamura: Hey, Saru! Are you walking home tonight?
Saru: Yeah, I am. Wanna come?
Nakamura: Actually, I was about to ask you. Would you like a ride home?
Saru: Ah, no can do... I'm afraid I have to pick up some things from town on the way, but thanks for the offer, anyway.
Nakamura: Okay, Saru, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow morning though, okay?
Saru: Okay.
Nakamura: Bye bye! (she leans over, and kisses Saru on the cheek. Saru's eyes widen a little.)
Saru: Bye, Nakamura.
(Scene is now Saru walking home through a suburban street alone. Monologue continues, as she is seen walking along.)
Saru: That kiss. She's never kissed me goodbye before... Is it a sign of us being close friends?... or could it mean anything else? I wish I could see into her head, just for a few minutes... then I could be at ease.
(Saru turns into a dark alleyway. She continues pondering to herself, meanwhile a hooded figure approaches behind her, closer and closer. Saru happens to turn, and notices the person approaching her, and is intimidated, so she walks faster. The figure moves faster behind her to.)
Saru: (muttered) What...the...fuck...?
(Saru falls over a tripwire set on the ground and lands facefirst, but quickly sits up and begins to back away from the figure looming over her. She looks scared shitless and tries to cover up.)
Saru: What do you want from me?
(the figure moves a hand to its mouth, and reveals a blowpipe. It fires a dart into her thigh.)
(pass out. Lol.)
(frame shows blurred trees in the woods, looking up at them from Saru's perspective, lying on the woodland floor. It's dark now.)
Saru: (sitting up) What...the fuck is going on...
(Female voices echoing around the woods.)
Saru: (Calls) Hello? Is...anybody there?
(Voice moving closer)
Saru: (flinches) L...leave me alone... please... what do you want?
Voice: Saru! (echoes)
(Silence. Saru looks around, trying to adjust to the dark. Suddenly, a hand grabs her over the mouth. Saru screams into the hand, but it is too muffled.)
Voice: Ssshhh.
(The voice is Kuroda. Kuroda lays Saru on her back so she is looking into her eyes. Kuroda is smiling.)
(Kuroda grabs Saru by her arms, and drags her to a nearby tree. Saru is too tired to resist, and has her hands tied around it, tightly. Kuroda puts a gag on her.)
__
/ -, , -__ /\\ ,
|| ) _ || || \\ ' _ ||
~||---) < \, _-_, =||= '\\/\\ /||__|| \\ ,._-_ < \, =||= _-_ _-_,
~||---, /-|| ||_. || || ;' \||__|| || || /-|| || || \\ ||_.
~|| / (( || ~ || || ||/ || |, || || (( || || ||/ ~ ||
|, / \/\\ ,-_- \\, |/ _-||-_/ \\ \\, \/\\ \\, \\,/ ,-_-
-_- --~ ( ||
T W I S T E D M A N G A I N T E R N A T I O N A L
-_-
(Open in notepad, set text to Courier. Lol, we has a logo!)
***Disclaimer: the following script is a complete work of fiction, and is not designed to reassemble anybody, living or dead. Please do not read this, also. All material (c) Nasty Pirates Manga Inc.***
Synopsis:
-----------------
Working Title: The Hollow
Genre: Hentai,Lesbian
Blurb: Kidnap in the woods, a lot of fucking domination and humiliation
Staff/Credit:
-----------------
Writer: Joe "Venom-san"
Sick minded idea man with lots of spare time who needs a life and a fuck: Ryan "Afro-san"
Artist: ???
Cast:
----------------
Name: Saru Watari
Gender: F
Age: 14
Description: School girl, dark aura, unconventional. Quite gothic/punk sense of fashion. Innocent personality. Thoughtful. Brown hair, shoulder length, Blue Eyes.
Name: Nakamura Kumiko
Gender: F
Age: 15
Description: School girl, lighter aura, slightly more conventional, less intelligent. Blonde/brown hair, shoulder length, sometimes tied back with a hair claw with bangs over face. Green eyes, popular and outgoing, though still best friends with Saru. Mainstream fashion sense.
Name: Kuroda Nanaho
Gender: F
Age: 18
Description: Kidnapper. Dominating, sarcastic personality. Almost satanic dress sense. When hiding/stalking, wears long hooded robe, street wear is black T-shirt and jeans.When fucking the shit out of the victims, wears black lingerie. Dark red tied back hair, loosely.
Supporting:
---------------
Name: Mrs Watari
Gender:F
Age: 40+
Description: Saru's mother. More soon.
Storyboard details:
-----------------
Girl walks home from school, gets kidnapped and dominated by attacker. Turns into complete slut. Friend saves her from this mentality..
Here we fucking go:
-----------------
(Story opens in classroom. About 20 students sitting in a room in silence, taking notes from the teacher. Focus is on Saru, who is scrawling onto a sheet of paper. Side profile.)
(Monologue, played over top of scene, thought to herself.)
Saru: I am so tired of this place. It's the same routine, every day. I look into the mirror, everyday, and see the same face. I go to school, and learn the same things. It's always the same.
(Frame shows Nakamura, writing as frantically as Saru.)
Saru: I have one friend I can tell everything to, though. And maybe sometimes she gets sick of my moaning, but I can rely on her to cheer me up. Most of the time.
(Shot returns to Saru)
Saru: But there are some things; little things, that gnaw away at me, that I could never get the nerve to tell her. The truth is... I find it hard not to feel alone. I find it harder still to talk to anyone and show my inner-self. Underneath my skin, I know how I feel, and I know what I want... I don't want to be alone.
(On line: "I don't want to be alone," , school bell rings, and everyone packs away quickly and leaves, while Saru remains seated a little longer, then leaves. Monologue over.)
(scene switches to outside school, sunny day, students sitting on steps and leaving for home, Saru stands out, walking sadly down stairs outside of school. Running up behind her is Nakamura.)
Nakamura: Saru! Wait up!
Saru: (Turns to face Naka. Smiles slightly.) Hello, Nakamura.
Nakamura: Hey, Saru! Are you walking home tonight?
Saru: Yeah, I am. Wanna come?
Nakamura: Actually, I was about to ask you. Would you like a ride home?
Saru: Ah, no can do... I'm afraid I have to pick up some things from town on the way, but thanks for the offer, anyway.
Nakamura: Okay, Saru, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow morning though, okay?
Saru: Okay.
Nakamura: Bye bye! (she leans over, and kisses Saru on the cheek. Saru's eyes widen a little.)
Saru: Bye, Nakamura.
(Scene is now Saru walking home through a suburban street alone. Monologue continues, as she is seen walking along.)
Saru: That kiss. She's never kissed me goodbye before... Is it a sign of us being close friends?... or could it mean anything else? I wish I could see into her head, just for a few minutes... then I could be at ease.
(Saru turns into a dark alleyway. She continues pondering to herself, meanwhile a hooded figure approaches behind her, closer and closer. Saru happens to turn, and notices the person approaching her, and is intimidated, so she walks faster. The figure moves faster behind her to.)
Saru: (muttered) What...the...fuck...?
(Saru falls over a tripwire set on the ground and lands facefirst, but quickly sits up and begins to back away from the figure looming over her. She looks scared shitless and tries to cover up.)
Saru: What do you want from me?
(the figure moves a hand to its mouth, and reveals a blowpipe. It fires a dart into her thigh.)
(pass out. Lol.)
(frame shows blurred trees in the woods, looking up at them from Saru's perspective, lying on the woodland floor. It's dark now.)
Saru: (sitting up) What...the fuck is going on...
(Female voices echoing around the woods.)
Saru: (Calls) Hello? Is...anybody there?
(Voice moving closer)
Saru: (flinches) L...leave me alone... please... what do you want?
Voice: Saru! (echoes)
(Silence. Saru looks around, trying to adjust to the dark. Suddenly, a hand grabs her over the mouth. Saru screams into the hand, but it is too muffled.)
Voice: Ssshhh.
(The voice is Kuroda. Kuroda lays Saru on her back so she is looking into her eyes. Kuroda is smiling.)
(Kuroda grabs Saru by her arms, and drags her to a nearby tree. Saru is too tired to resist, and has her hands tied around it, tightly. Kuroda puts a gag on her.)